Grammar Schmammer

A few weeks ago, my dear friend Sonya and I were sitting in our hotel room in Las Vegas talking about the things we valued in prospective suitors and more importantly the things that are at the top of our laminated lists. Our lists are pretty simple and have definitely evolved over the years but one thing that we talked about eliminating from our list is our obsession with proper grammar and by proper grammar I mean not eliminating a person because they don't know the difference between "too" and "to" and "your" and "you're". These things still drive me crazy but I'm currently seeing someone who can't get either of those right and who also sent me a text this morning that said, "you are so dam hot". And I'm letting it go because I like him. Yeah it bugs but I used to be involved with a genius who I hero worshiped and sometimes he got "too" and "to" wrong. I pick my battles. The following is a honest to God English Teacher's biggest nightmare come to life --

ReplAcement take care of you hahahahaHahh don't care you play!!!lol

Good you think like a guy but a guy won't give you respect cuz your a ho!!
Just saying!! Your a playa

too haha your not!! lol

Then at 3:20 a.m.:

Hope u got it!! remember your guy with the number

playa ok!!

Haha

Obviously I didn't respond.

Sorry wrong text :(

 

Then on Saturday at 2:02 in the morning:

 

Lol

 

Then on Saturday at 11:03 in the afternoon:

 

Hope your having a good weekend there Later Playa

player!! :)'

 

First things first, he's an a-hole. A huge a-hole. Second, yes, I can eliminate him from my dating pool based on the above grammar. I'd like to eliminate him from the gene pool too but I don't believe in that....

Somebody

Somebody
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
He'll get my support
He will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
He will hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact he'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
He will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
And things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it




This is what I want. I really, truly, absolutely do want it but the hilarity or irony of it is two fold - one I actually recently had a shot at this and rejected him because he had some pretty big flaws and issues to overcome but more importantly and hilariously I don't know that I'd let someone be my Somebody. I am a version of this for a lot of people but I don't think I can let someone be it for me. I have such a hard time being vulnerable and opening up and on the rare occasions that I do I feel so awful after I share. Someday I'm going to get over my insecurities and issues and that

mustbeperfectmustnotshowflawsmustbesogoddamnamazingallthetime

 

wall that I've been clinging to my entire life. Someday maybe I can let someone love me the way I desperately desire. Until then I will continue to date men that are completely and totally unavailable and wrong for me. It's the worst defense mechanism and stupidest self-destructive trait that I have and yet I embrace it fully.

Thanksgiving Hell

The other day I was trying to set up a time to get together with a guy I met online and we were having trouble making our schedules connect - it is a lot harder than it would seem - I can't imagine how much harder if I had to deal with shuffling kids, too. I suggested Thursday night and he replied with "That's THANKSGIVING. No way!" and one more time I was reminded why I try to go out of town for this bloody holiday. Don't get me wrong I love me some time off from work and I love me even more some Thanksgiving food. It is my favoritest food of the year but the rest of the weekend can go to Hell.

Normal families spend the weekend together. Normal families play games and go to movies and have a lovely time. Here's what will happen at Casa Millet - dinner at 4 p.m. I will go over a few hours early and help my mom while the boys sit on their asses and watch football. Then we will eat, someone will cry (sure hope it isn't me), someone will get mad (let's be honest it will be me) and some kid will get grounded (also, really hope it isn't me). We will finish eating and the boys will commence sitting on their asses and watch more freaking (not the word I'm thinking right now) football while Shauna and I spend an hour cleaning up. And then I will drive home and spend the rest of the weekend alone because everyone I know is spending the weekend with their families - playing games and going to the movie and eating their faces off.

Can someone please put an event on their calendar to remind *translate: force* me to make out-of-town plans for Thanksgiving. I'd do it but I'll think "No, it's okay. It will be different..." and it won't and I'll be writing this same blog entry.

Tip That Thing Over!

I'm Not Broken - Just a Tiny Bit Bruised!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

A few weeks ago I was with my Iusedtowishhewasmyboyfriend and we were talking about relationships and stuff. We are both pretty much scared to death of commitment and of being hurt and he was telling me about a couple he knows who has been in a committed monogomous relationship for 10 years. They are not married nor do they live together but they spend most of their free time together and are completely in love. My Iusedtowishhewasmyboyfriend mentioned that they get a lot of grief from family and friends for not taking that next step. I listened intently and looked up and said, "That sounds like heaven to me". In the next few days I shared this with several people but finally had to stop because of the beatings I was taking. For instance this is just a bit of what my "friends" said to me:

Ew, I don't want that!
Why would you want that?
What is WRONG with you?
That is so messed up, Ang!

and my all time favorite:

YOU ARE SO BROKEN!

Doesn't anyone have a filter? I don't want people to lie to my face but really, "YOU ARE SO BROKEN" is mean and hurtful. I did have one response to my anecdote that didn't make me want to crawl into a hole and die and it was from the guy I was seeing at the time. He looked at me and nodded and said, "I totally understand why that appeals to you."

I'm really not broken but I am bruised and even though I realize this isn't the ideal situation for everyone and probably isn't actually the ideal situation for me it does make some sense. To me.

That's all.

All The Little Things

Big things are awesome but they are also more rare. I've decided that generally it is the little things that matter most. For instance this week was pretty rough -- work is tense and life in general is very complicated. More complicated than it's been in a really long time but do you know what helped me cope and get through it (I feel as if I'm through it since it is 4:24 on Friday)?

*Private message from someone I don't even know telling me that he loves my hair cut in my profile picture and that "it really works for you".

*Private message from a friend that I only know on-line asking if I was okay after I posted that I hadn't slept in three days. And he checked on me a couple days later to see if I was sleeping and feeling better. So awesome!

*The other day I came home and my phone buzzed with a text from my adorable teenage landlord saying, 'You look way cute today :) just thought I'd tell you'.

*The sweet sales girl at the local boutique who complimented my earrings.

*Awesome friends. You know who you are.

**There you go the Code to Ang has been cracked -- I'm eeeeeeeeeeeasy and compliments and kindness work miracles.

Men! Really, What Are They Really Thinking?

Seinfeld: We like women. We want women. But that's pretty much as far as we've thought.

Grrr!

My Name is ...

 

Okay, so my name is Angela but only three humans on earth can get away with calling me that - my brother Jeff, Shannen's dad Phil and my mom's friend Janet. It is a perfectly acceptable name but it just isn't me. It never really has been me. One day when Perfect was really little my mom overheard her telling her best friend Angela, "When you grow up and are cool like my big sister your name will be Angie". My formal name is Angie. That's what I go by professionally, it's how I introduce myself and it is my name. Over time as things naturally happen it has been shortened to Ang and I love that name and I love it when people I care about call me Ang. My family and friends call me Ang - I'm quite certain that my nephew Zack thinks my legal name is Ang and I love it but man oh man when people I loathe with the fire of a thousands suns call me Ang every single hair on the back of my neck stands up and I physically cringe. I was just walking down the hall at work and ran into 2.0 and Sherbert who both cheerily said, "Hi, Ang!" Ugh. Why is this such a big deal for me? Why does the bile from my stomach start to go to my mouth? I have got to get over this. Right? Nah, a little rage is a good thing and reminds me that I'm actually still breathing.

Til the end of time I will love the poster that Kacee made for my 38th Birthday Party - How long have you known Ang? And yes, if you've been invited to the party you are allowed to call her that.

Zip This!

Hi, my name is Angie and I'm terrified of heights. I get weirded out every single afternoon at 4:55 when I have to climb on a chair to turn the fountain off at work. That's how afraid. Several months ago in a moment of strength I bought a Groupon for MAX Zipline in Provo Canyon and last Saturday Marcel and I redeemed the coupon.

Here we are right before the tour starts with the beautiful mountains in the background. Yes, I have a really weird look on my face but that's because two seconds earlier Marcel was doing something pornographic with his line brake. I was super excited for the adventure but also very scared. However, our two tour guides were super chill and funny and after I stepped off that first ledge I was completely fine. It was the most fun I've had in ages. It was exciting and so much fun! I can't wait to go back.

Baaaa!

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

First and foremost I must say that I hate being a sheep and am occasionally *translate often* bugged by the sheepy / trendy things that I've done in my life.

Second and secondmost *I think I made up that word* I did have a first generation iPhone and we had issues. Constant issues. It was even stolen in NYC and returned to me but still when it died I was totally happy getting a different smart phone.

Third and thirdmost *totally made up* I hate being with a group of people who instead of talking, watching the movie, partying, etc are all sitting and playing with their phones. I HATE it. I know sometimes you need to take a call or check a message but no one that I spend time with regularly is a heart surgeon or President of the United States so it is hurtful to me when it happens.

Fourth and fourthmost, I was intending to wait until the new version was released but last week my phone started cycling over and over and turning itself on and off and so I knew I had to get a new phone immediately and so like all good sheep I caved and bought the iPhone 4s. I wanted to be indifferent. I wanted to not care about this new contraption and just be chill about the fact that I have it but I can't. Why you ask?

BECAUSE IT IS THE

COOLEST THING EVER.

It is so awesome and I love it to death. I've only had it for four days and I still feel this way. Last night I discovered that 5 Guys has "an app for that" and grabbed my phone to download it but then realized I really don't need that. Oh hell, can you imagine?

Yeah I kinda hate myself but whatevs. It is what it is and it is freaking awesome! That's all.

Really?

Dear Universe,

Why all of the sudden am I getting E-mails from BYU Athletics? Like really? There's not two words less appealing to me. Maybe serial killer but that's about it.

Please stop.

Ang

Is it a Date?

Actual conversation I had today with one of my very best friends:

BND: What's your plan for the weekend?
Ang: Ziplining.
BND: Oh yeah, is that a date?
Ang: What?
BND: Is it a date?
Ang: He's a 27 year old Mormon boy. You do the math.
BND: But he's a boy.
Ang: Oy! You know how you are like my big brother? He's the little brother I never had (even though I have four -- I even said that).

So funny that this isn't the first time I've had this conversation about me and Marcel. Apparently, Harry was right and men and women cannot be friends. Bummer cause he's one of my besties.

Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes or Some Random Ranting!

Women are not walking pornography. If they are walking pornography for you then you should probably get some help. Shoulders are not sexual. Neither are knees. Don’t get me wrong, a good shoulder massage can be a huge turn on and if you grab my knee I will jump you *in a good way* but all alone shoulders and knees are not sexual. Little girls should not be aware that Shade shirts even exist. I love that my sweet three year old niece who is being raised by my very conservative sister wears sundresses, tank tops and real shorts and doesn’t have to worry about anything on her shoulders other than sunscreen. I wear sleeves most of the time because at work I have to and because I hate my body not because I’m trying to be modest.

P.S. I hate the word modest and like my hero Jana Riess says 'there's nothing modest about a $700 prom dress'.

Pain and Sadness

Today when I was stirring my microwaved Lean Cuisine lunch and trying to avoid third degree steam burns two pieces of chicken fell on the floor. Do you know how big a deal it is when TWO out of the four or five you actually get fall to the floor and must be thrown away. Now I'm going to think about those pieces all day long and mourn their loss in my belly.

I'll be honest, I didn't want to eat this 220 calorie feast of frozen cardboard. I really want 5 Guys but as my co-worker TM and I discussed last week, I may want 5 Guys every bloody single day but I don't want to look like someone who eats 5 Guys every bloody single day. So here I am sitting here and savoring every freaking tiny bite (sans two bites of chicken) and looking forward to three o'clock when I get to eat an apple.

40 Fabulous Things About Me!

(these are in no particular order)

I love The Bachelor franchise.

I loathe emoticons and abbreviations. I don't judge people who use them and I will admit that sometimes you just gotta (another thing I hate but you know...sometimes it is necessary) to convey your point.

I love hugs from kids. I met the cutest kid a few weeks ago at BBQ and she was adorbs (yeah, I did it again).

I loathe vinyl families on cars. Occasionally I spot a really great one like *the man and woman with the money bags instead of kids* but in the end it is all just really tacky.

I'm addicted to podcasts. I can listen for hours and hours and hours. I haven't listened to music at work in I don't know how long.

I loathe with all my soul the idea of City Creek Mall.

I love cupcakes, cookies, and any kind of baked good.

I loathe insincerity and fakeness.

I love Michelle Obama.

I loathe driving.

I love diet coke but have stopped having it at my house. None of you have any idea how big of a deal that is.

I loathe the heat this summer and am done, done, done with it.

I love the violet streak in my hair. Thanks, Twix for doing what I asked and thank you Z for prepping him with the idea.

I loathe Glen Beck.

I love my family.

I loathe ranch dressing.

I love the Olympics (yet, I hate most sports).

I loathe teasing. I'm sensitive and it is always rooted in meanness.

I love being pampered.

I loathe most chain restaurants.

I love freshly painted nails.

I love to read.

I love that occasionally the patriarchal order actually comes in handy: when the check boxes get delivered, when I have to move for the 17,000th time into a new office and when the guy drives.

I love each and every one of my friends.

I love boutique shopping -- not for crafts but for unique clothes, jewelry and fun stuff.

I love having cut flowers in my home.

I love clean sheets.

I love 6 o'clock, 10 o'clock, Noon, 3 p.m. and 7 ish -- it is when I get to eat.

I love freshly shaved legs.

I love anything flavored with cinnamon.

I love unrestrained giggles.

I love Taco Amigo peach shakes.

I love nicknames.

I love Becky Higgins' Project Life.

I love that I've lost 12 of the 20 lbs that I gained out of nowhere.

I love surprises.

I love post-exercise endorphins.

I love my new normal.

I love that on September 19th I will not be one bit different than I am today on August 14th. It has taken me a while to realize this.

I love that there are amazingly strong women who are trying to figure out how to live in this world and how to properly raise a girl to be smart, open, kind and in love with herself.

Sunday is the Bestest Day!

This morning I sat on my sofa and pondered how happy I was that I could do

anything I wanted on this fine sunny Sabbath morning. It hasn't always been this way. For most of my life my Sundays were packed with church, meetings and more meetings and were honestly quite hellish. Sunday is definitely not a day of rest for proper Mormon's and after years and years it wears on you and is a difficult way to start the work week. The last four years my Sundays have been lovely doing as I please and resting the way I believe God intended when he made Sunday a day of rest. The turning point for me occurred during the last time I attended all three church meetings. My girlfriend Julia talked me into trying my ward and she came with me and as we were sitting in the last meeting the teacher was giving the message 'sometimes we just don't want to go to church but we know that when we DO go we are always blessed by the message and are happy that we attended'. I know she was being sincere because I'm sure I'd said the same thing in a RS message earlier in my life but I sat there and thought, "No, that's not true. I never want to go. I didn't want to come today and I definitely do not feel better, in fact I feel worse". I've been back for family obligations or occasionally when a friend has invited me to hear them speak but I never went back. I'd lived the last 35 years wrapped in a cocoon of intense guilt and as soon as I stopped going I didn't feel a hint of guilt. Not one iota. At first when I stopped attending church my Sundays were all about sleeping and willing myself to be strong enough to tackle the rest of the work week. I slept, read, watched TV and baked. Most of the time I stayed quite close to home occasionally catching an early matinee or bike ride/jog and sometimes dinner with my family. I've always done my best to be respectful of those who do attend and try to keep my Sunday shenanigans as quiet as possible but I don't lie and if people ask what I'm doing I tell them.
 
Lately, Sunday is a day of rest but it is also so much more: brunches, dating, walks with friends, movies, reading and of course napping. It isn't always rainbows and bunnies just like I know every Sunday isn't perfect for the rest of you. I've read enough FB updates, blog entries and heard enough at dinner to know Sundays are exhausting especially if you have young children and rarely do you learn anything. For me sometimes they are a super lonely day and sometimes too much time alone is not a good thing but for now and for the most part Sunday is my favorite day of the week.

Hi, my name is Angie

Hi, my name is Angie. Some of you don't know me. Some of you know the real me and some of you know the sanitized version of me. I'm going to do my best to be the most respectful but authentic version of me. If something I say offends you please talk to me but otherwise take it all with a grain of salt. I'm just me trying to be the best version of me.

Something I Would Never Say YES To...

Random E-mail going around my department:

I have a client that has four new orange tabbies, three girls and a boy, that she is looking for homes for. They will be ready in four weeks. If you are interested let me know and I’ll give you her email address. Thanks.

Ahhh, so true!

Quote of the Day!

David Cameron to Mitt Romney: "We are holding an Olympic Games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world. Of course, it's easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere,"

Amen!

Blasting The Past

This is beyond silly but want to know what I'm afraid of right now? A new girl started at my work and I KNOW I know her but I don't know from where and I'm terrified to find out. I'm guessing it isn't from some recent random party (she drives a mini van) but it is probably from some hideous singles ward from when I was a TBM. I've looked at her resume and none of it is familiar but we are the same age and she's from here. I know I know her.

Dude, Millet, get over it and just ask her.

In other fun news my favorite former sales agent is doing some contract work for us and I got to say hi to him. Some blasts from the past are good.

Damn You, Little Blue Pill

Damn damn you little blue pill who made me gain 18 lbs in 5.5 weeks. I take responsibility for some of this but there is NO way I did this all on my own. Today may have been very painful and expensive but I have found a replacement for you!

Be gone little blue pill. Be gone!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Me and Match

Where did it start? It started with my friends Meredith and May getting engaged within weeks of one another. It started with a big ass birthday looming. It started at a crowded party when I realized *for real* that I was never going to meet someone within my group of friends. It started with Tina and Kristy in Hawaii who not only encouraged me but also came up with a plan of action.

I found a photographer and had some pictures taken. I compiled a profile and set up a Match.com account and viola I met the man of my dreams. End of story.

Mostly, I’ve been pretty quiet about most of it. I didn’t feel comfortable blogging in any kind of detail because I’d hate the thought of being someone else’s silly story *and I have so many stories* but also because contrary to popular belief I’m actually quite private about things. When I first started meeting guys I was blown away with how many single/straight/somewhat attractive guys were into me. It was exhilarating and fantastic. It helped my confidence and I know made me more attractive. I was in a really great place in my life and it was more about what I wanted and what was good for me. I went on dates thinking, “I hope I like him” not “Please, please, please like me”.  I focused a lot on controlling the controllable (me) and staying in the present which helped me be me: smart, funny, quirky and sassy. In the beginning I met some really great guys. They were really sweet and such adorable gentlemen. And dating was fun. Actually, in the beginning it was a lot of fun. The first few times it was awkward answering the question “why aren’t you married” but after ten or twelve times I got good at explaining about the boys in the culture where I was raised. I’ve been accused of dating like a 21-year old boy and for breaking up with guys for ridiculous reasons. For instance, because you can’t spell or because you refuse to text are silly reasons but at this point in my life I’m not settling for anything less than extraordinary.  I know that extraordinary exists and I’m not looking for Mr. Perfect. I’m looking for someone who thinks of me, is kind to everyone (not just me) and makes me laugh. If you fall into those categories I don’t care if you are bald or short or look like Kermit. I don’t care if you make less money than me, are in school, or are starting a new career path. I don’t care if you are a Jesus freak (okay, I cared a little bit but I talked to Bob about it and was open to try and make it work). I’ve also been dumped for a variety of reasons including because of the school I attended. Sweet friend, if you can’t deal with the fact that I went to BYU 20 years ago you will not be okay with my last name and what that means. Sure I wish it had come up earlier in our relationship since it was such a deal breaker but I figured he knew it since he knew I grew up in Utah County. Aye!

About half way through my most recent journey (I hate that word but there’s not another more appropriate one) some things happened that scared me and knocked me on my butt. One was an E-mail that wasn’t even to me or about me. It was about someone I care about a lot and it was a very hurtful example of just how shallow guys can be. Even though that was a few months ago I think at least to a degree the general message of that E-mail will always be in my head muttering, “You’re not good enough. If she’s not good enough you will never be good enough.” The other thing that happened was a massive panic attack when I literally couldn’t think of one single happy married couple. You can ask Z, it was a full blown attack and I was cancelling my membership and hyperventilating at my desk. Z talked me off my ledge and then I remembered Tiffy and Nick. And Becky and Paul. And Robb and Kris. And Brandon and Casey. And Matt and Kendra. And I started breathing regularly again.   

I did take a bit of a break from all the fun. I went on vacation, got some perspective, re-activated my account, and started dating again. The second time around has been less than awesome but not wretched. I’ve learned some stuff about myself, about guys in general and what I’m really looking for in my future. Overall, I’ve learned a few extra-special lessons: don’t invite boys over to my house, don’t compare my job to an abusive boyfriend (even if it is) and when they ask if you own your home don’t blurt out, “That’s way too much commitment” but more than anything I’ve learned to be myself because I’m pretty awesome and my life is fantastic.

Saturday Blues

You know what is kind of sad and a little bit frustrating? Okay, not sad like actually sad because I know that this is so wee in comparison to everything else in the world but right this second at 7:51 on Wednesday morning do you know what is sad? That I'm involved with two different guys one of which I like a lot and I still don't have a date to May's wedding on Saturday. I even offered to perform sexual favors for my guy friend/Safety Date but he will be out of the country. I offered because I knew he wouldn't redeem them and also because we constantly joke about how happy his parents would be if he came home and told them he'd knocked me up.

So, yeah here I am dreading the fact that on Saturday I have to get dressed up, drive all the way to Payson and go to yet another wedding by myself. Is it really possible to have Saturday blues on a Wednesday?

Decisions...

As I plan my trip next week I keep going back and forth on what is most important and what I should do during my five days in NYC. For example:

Should I see lots of shows or stalk Gretchen Rubin?
Should I spend time with the people I love or stalk Gretchen Rubin?
Should I jog along the Hudson or stalk Gretchen Rubin?
Should I spend an hour with my favorite masseuse or stalk Gretchen Rubin?
Should I stuff my face with cupcakes while riding bikes through Central Park or stalk Gretchen Rubin?
Should I walk from The Heights to Battery Park or stalk Gretchen Rubin?
Should I ....

There's only so much time and so much to do. Here's the thing...I'm quite talented and I'm planning on doing it all!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

My First Outing of the Season

Tonight's goal was to find my iPod Shuffle, put on my work out clothes and then go for a walk. A few months ago I busted up my knee and so running has been out of the question and has impacted my attitude as much as my body. Those jogging endorphins are real and I've missed them desperately. Anyway, tonight I was walking and the playlist on my shuffle was from all the races I did last summer and before I knew it I was jogging. It was basic and instinctive: Listen to Broken Dishes=start running. I quite literally couldn't walk. It may have only lasted for a mile or so but I did it!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Just Put the Phone Away

I’ve always believed that advice is best when it is affirmed by someone else – like a ‘second opinion’ or whatever but I definitely appreciate certain things better the second, third and seventeenth time around. For instance, yesterday I found this quote on Gretchen Rubin’s blog but it is something that my good friend Ryan used to beat me over the head with all the time. ‘Angie, do not look at your phone. Angie, you do not need to be accessible ALL the time. Angie, let it go to voice mail’. I always believed Ryan was right but there’s this part of me that knows everyone knows that I am accessible all the time. We live in a world where everyone has a smart phone and everyone is connected all the time. Even my father has an iPhone that I’m sure he doesn’t know how to use but he could if he wanted to…

Last week Andrea Scher wrote an article about the moment after you’ve sent someone a text or E-mail or voice mail and you don’t get an instant response. That “Oh, my gosh, they must be mad at me. Oh, I did this wrong. Or that wrong”. Yeah, sometimes maybe you did but most of the time they just haven’t responded and we’ve have worked ourselves into a frenzy over nothing. I loathe this about myself. I hate hate hate that I do it. I’ve gotten better but occasionally it still happens and when it does I have to take a deep breath and control the only thing that I can control. Me.

Yesterday I was super grateful for Gretchen’s post because it reminded me that this constant availability does in fact make it hard to truly connect with people. So many misunderstandings take place through E-mail and text messages that would never happen if I were actually talking to the person. Sometimes I feel like all I do is apologize for things I didn’t mean to “say”. I’ve also noticed through my on-line dating extravaganza that nearly everyone has lost the ability to spell, use punctuation and properly communicate. And, yes, I’m judging you hotlipz6969 on how many times you typed “LOL” in your profile cuz not everthang iz funny.

I’m trying to be better. I still text constantly. I e-mail more than I call and sometimes I still pray for the call to go to voice mail but when I’m with you I’m with you. My phone is in my bag or the other room or wherever and I’m mostlysometimeskinda okay missing the occasional text or phone call. And for the record no I’m not mad at you and I am not ignoring you.

A Guy Like Jon

cross country texting...

Me: Why can't we find guys like Jon Stewart?
S: Because we know Mormons and he's a Jew.
Me: Ugh, true.

Last night during dinner I was watching The Daily Show and my I-wish-he-was-my-boyfriend was talking about some random lunatic spouting off about having a problem "voting for someone who worships a different God than me" and Jon said, "Hey, I'm a Jew, you get used to it after a while". Really, Crazy Christians, why does it matter? I know it seems as if I'm even defending that person that I will not name but I'm not. I don't like him and I won't vote for him but I do find it silly that millions of people seem to care what God he worships and is basing that on his ability to lead the United States. I personally believe our country has bigger problems than caring about if Mormons are Christian or not. Cause the bottom line is a lot of them are and some of them aren't.

New Favorite Product

I'm totally in love with this product! My clothes smell so fresh and good and it makes me happy. Yeah, it's true, fabric softener makes me happy.

Zack, Zack, Zack!

True Story. Monday afternoon I received an E-mail from one of my bestest but snobbiest friends (she's a theater professor for crying out loud) who wanted to know if I wanted to go see The Lucky One at 5:20.

I had to admit that even though I hated myself for wanting to that I desperately wanted to see it so I agreed. I believe with all my soul that NS is the worst writer of all time and I knew that the movie would suck but I'd also heard earlier in the day that it had the hottest sex scene of any PG-13 movie so what the hell...if Ju hadn't asked me to go I would have gone by myself on Sunday morning.

Turns out our other 'particular (snobby) about movies' friends were watching it together in NYC at the same time as us so we knew we weren't the only ones lowering our normally high movie standards just to get some time in the dark with Zack.

Zack, Zack, ZACK! You've always been cute and charming but boy-oh-boy have you grown up and boy-oh-boy you are the hotness monster!

Welcome to the 9.5

JJ: How happy are you?

Me: Right this second?

JJ: Yes, on a scale of 1-10 how happy are you?

Me: 9.5

JJ: Really? What were you when we met in SF?

Me: 2 or 2.5

JJ: Yeah, you were miserable when we first met.

Me: Yup.

I'm not a member of the 1% but that's okay because I'm a card carrying member of the 9.5. My card is the smile on my face and for the most part I'm smiling all the time. Not a fake-it-til-I-make-it kind of a smile but a genuinely real smile. The above conversation with JJ happened a few weeks ago during what was truly one of the most surreal weeks of my life. It was surreal for a variety of reasons but one of them was that nearly four years ago I had a very similar week but back then it eviscerated me nearly to death and this time it was a blip on an overall fantastic month.



So, the bigger question is why am I so happy. What is different? For the first time in my life I know the answers to some pretty important questions. I am Ang and my purpose on this earth is to make others happy. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I am confident and assertive and real. I try to be kind to everyone and I know what I want. Now when I'm with a guy it is "Do I like him?" rather than "Oh, my gosh, does he like me? What if he hates me? What if he doesn't call?" I've also been working constantly on living in the present and forgetting about the past. The past used to paralyze me. I'd get lost in my head and over thought EVERYthing. Never making progress and never being full. Now I strive every single day to live in the present. I'll be honest, sometimes my present is the next fifteen minutes and sometimes it is three hours but it is never even later the same night. It is right now. When I'm living in the present I'm focused on the task at hand, the person I'm with or the issue I'm struggling with. Not an hour from now or three dates from now or someone across the room.



Another huge thing for me is that in the last year I've been introduced to some incredibly talented and amazing women (and one genius man) who have literally changed my life. Now I know I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who does this or that or thinks this or that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to be a happier person!

Brene Brown

Eleni Zoe

Andrea Scher

Jana Riess

Joanna Brooks

Jenny Lawson

Gretchen Rubin

Craig Manning

Be the Me

Live in the moment. Be real. Be vulnerable with people who matter. Be myself. Be me. Be me. Be me. Be the me that is often happy, giggling and smiling but sometimes a little sad. Be the me that laughs out loud at silly jokes and stories. Be the me that loves being hugged and held and sometimes touched. Be the me that sometimes panics and freaks out. Let her have her five minutes (or two days) and then remember that life is good and it is spring and work doesn’t suck that bad. Be the me that cries at the Google Chrome: Coffee commercial and really wishes that that guy existed. Be the me that recognizes my self-destructive behaviors and moves the hell on. Be the me that let the crush guy go because he’s not good enough and it is time to focus on the two someone’s who might be. Be the me that is less and less like that damaged girl on the nastiest show on TV. At the beginning of the season we may have been long lost identical twins but every week I recognize less of myself in her as I’ve grown and become a much healthier happier person. Be the me that every day is learning from new modern-day heroes who are helping me to make subtle changes to be the very best version of me.

March Madness

March went by in a blur but I learned a couple of key lessons:

*Don't invite boys over to your house - it is easier to leave a situation than to kick someone out.

*Happiness can even be found at work under not awesome circumstances.

*Even if you are nearly the big scary age that I will not say out loud, you STILL need your ID to get into concerts.

That pretty much sums up my month.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Lent

This year for Lent I have given up shopping. This may in fact be the hardest year yet.

Wish me luck!

When You Are A Grown-up

When you are a grown-up you can eat the ice cream cone while you wait in line for your salad.

Yup. Perfection.

Formula For Happiness

Last week was crap but I got through it and I feel like I need to write out the things that helped so that I know them for the future.

*Hugs from Kenzie -- hands down this kid can make me feel better in just a few seconds. On Thursday I called my sister and asked if I could come over and borrow hugs from Kenzie for a few minutes. I don't know what Becky said to her and/or what you can say to a 2 year old but that kid knew EXACTLY what I needed and hugged and kissed me for the whole time I was there.

*Donuts from Hill's Bakery -- in particular the bacon maple bar. Oh, my gosh, pure nasty heaven!

*Talking it out with friends -- I'm super lucky and have amazing people in my life who would do anything for me. I didn't actually realize what *anything* meant until Saturday night when they tried to kick his ass. But generally I have wonderful friends who are incredible listeners and have helped me be the best version of myself.

*A Peaceful Home -- last week when things were pretty rough I remember walking into my living room and looking around and realizing how completely happy I was with where I live. I love my house. I love the way it is put together and it has such a peaceful feeling. I love being at home and never get antsy to get out of there. Note: I didn't even get dressed until the last possible second on Saturday and Sunday. That's how happy I was to be in my home.

*A Perfect Life -- a few weeks ago one of my colleagues who I call Elder asked me what I was doing over the weekend and I told him and he said, "Wow, you have a perfect life."

Yes, I have a perfect life and even though sometimes things are hard my life is pure wonderfulness with ice cream sprinkles and a cherry on top. Or rainbows and bunnies. Which ever works for you.

I Trust You

I Love You.
I Hate You.

Those are very powerful words but not nearly as critical to me as these simple words:

I Trust You

Simple, eh? Yeah, not for me. Trust is a very big deal for me and to be truthful I don't trust that many people. I've been burned. A lot. In the last few years I've learned that if I don't let down the walls a little bit and if I don't let people in I can't grow. I can't live. I can't be happy. I want to grow. I want to live and I definitely want to be happy. One of the biggest ways to do this is to learn to trust people. Unfortunately, sometimes even the people you love and trust the most can betray you the most and hurt you the worst. Recently, someone that falls into that category hurt me really badly. And I was sad. Really sad. And hurt. Really hurt. It's been 6 days and although I'm still sad and hurt I'm only a little sad and a little hurt. I have been honest with this person and told them how much they hurt me and now I can move on. Control the controllable. It is the only thing I can control. I can't control others but I can *mostly* control the way in which I react and I choose to move past this and move on with my life. I choose to be happy. Not stupid and not naive but happy and at peace.

Happy V. day!

I survived!

It wasn't that bad. I had a busier day than I've had in a while today at work. It helped distract from the constant flower deliveries, etc. Also my mom brought me flowers, took me to lunch and gave me a lovely gift.

Tonight my plan was to clean up a bit, catch up on some stuff and mostly catch up on some TV. That got derailed tonight when a tree fell on our power line. Oy!

I had no idea how cold or dark it could be down here without lights. Hurry up Mr. Power Man, Parenthood is on soon and I need a Mr. Cyr fix. No, I deserve a Mr. Cyr fix.

Happy V. Day to all the couples in the world.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Anatomy of a Bad Day

No Monday ever starts out okay when I've spent the entire day alone on Sunday.

Nothing happened today to put me in a bad mood. No one was mean to me. No one cut me off in traffic. No clients yelled at me. On paper today was a great day: lunch with two of my Favoritest people on the planet, a Valentine from my best friend (and her kids) AND I got to see my favorite niece and nephew. Yet, I can't get it together to stop the tears from flowing down my face.

I fought the mood all day but at 3:45 I told my boss I had to leave and I came home. Old school me would cancel plans for tonight and huddle in a blanket with a book to ride out the bad feelings but new me is going to get my shit together and go watch The Bach with my friends. New me has to win at some point, right?

Not Even a Nickelback...

Quote of the Year --

Watching a preview for a movie that I would poke my eyes out if I had to actually go and see RHC made the following comment:

Not even a Nickelback song could make this preview worse.

Amen!

so so so Offensive!

I could go on and on and on about how offensive this is. It's worse than any political E-mail that my uncle sends me every bloody day in an effort to "help you see the light". It is more offensive than anything Judgy McGee has said to me in the last 6 months. However, I think it really does speak for itself. Eff you.

That's all.

Most Recent Hot Date

A: Do you think you would be able to do girls Night Friday, January 20th?
Z: My first instinct is to say "yes!" but then I'm nervous about what it might entail.
A: What if I promise it would be something you'd love.

Two + years ago Z introduced me to The Moth story telling pod cast and the very first pod cast I listened to was Mike Bribiglia doing Sleepwalk With Me so when I heard he was going to be in town I knew I would do anything for the two of us to see his show. Thankfully she was up for it and okay with the fact that she had ZERO idea what I had planned. I told one of our mutual friends about it and he was fully on board and excited that we were going to be able to spend some alone time together -- me, Z and a few thousand of our closest friends. I also mentioned my plans for my hot date with Marcel at work and then came up with the idea for us to meet him at Sweet Tooth Fairy for an after show treat.

The night of the date we met at the 7200 S Park and Ride and then I took over driving for the rest of the evening. First stop Taco Pariente for street tacos. They were just as good as I remembered and even better this time because of the company. We sat in my car and ate which with anyone else would be awkward but it was just fine with Z.

A: Do you have any idea what we are doing tonight?
Z: None. I didn't google anything or do any research.
A: Yay!

We got to Kingsbury, picked up tickets at Will Call and the whole time I was worried that the surprise would be spoiled but there were ZERO posters anywhere. Then we went to our seats on the back row and still nothing--she had no idea what we were doing. Right before the show started her brother-in-law came and sat right in front of us. Really, how much more random could that be? As soon as the lights dimmed a bit Z bent down and started caressing his neck. He pulled back, saw who it was and shoulder shrugged, "Hey". All casual and too-cool-to-talk to us. After Mike came out on the stage I whispered, "Do you know who this is?" and she shook her head no and I said, "Abby, there's a jackal in the room!" and she said, "OH, MIKE!" It was so completely awesome. I never get to keep surprises like that and it was so fun. The show was incredible. He's so funny and weird and awkward - I loved every single second.

After the show we met Marcel and his siblings at STF for an yummy treat! All in all the best date I've been on in a very long time. Pure perfection!

Some Long Lost Memories Should Stay Lost

A few weeks ago I was with my friends and we were talking about journals and how we should have a journal reading party where we can read excepts from our old journals. I sat quietly all the while thinking how freaking happy I was that I had burned all of mine. Yeah, I burned my journals and I don't even feel badly about it. There's a teeny tiny part of me that wished I had stuff from when I was really young so that I could re-create my blocked out childhood but I don't so I don't think about it. Anyway, yesterday when I was reorganizing the guest room and emptying the last of the book boxes I came across a long lost journal from 2003 that I didn't even know existed. Winter 2003 was a mere nine years ago but immediately I discovered how vastly different 2012 Ang is from 2003 Ang. Need to have another bon fire because that book needs to be burned!

Girl Meets Boy

Girl meets boy.
Girl falls in love with boy.
Boy falls in love with girl.
Girl and boy are ridiculously happy and perfect for one another.
Boy breaks up with girl.

This isn't new. It happens all the time. It has happened to every single person in the world even those 19 year old freaks that went to my college who got married Freshman year have been dumped at some point in their life. Actually, for a lot of those it has happened recently. Anyway, a few weeks ago I heard about a girl I know that I will call Jennifer. Jennifer and I aren't friends but Jennifer is best best friends with all of my friends. Jennifer and her former love whom I will call Stan live in Gotham City and recently broke up. I literally (hate when people use that word incorrectly) think about Jennifer's situation all the time because it is so tragic. In November when our friends visited Gotham City for a mini vacation they met Stan and hung out with him and as my friend Shmelanie told me Stan and Jennifer were perfect for each other. Shmelanie was worried about the very real probability that Jennifer would be moving to Stan's country as soon as he finished school but that they were so great together and Jennifer was so very happy. Stan is from another country. One that I won't name, but it isn't one of those countries on the State Department Danger List, that we used to talk about in my classes "Girls, if you know anyone who is dating a guy from one of these countries you must break them up". The whole time Stan and Jennifer were together they had the black "parent cloud" hanging over their heads but they were both very optimistic that in the end Stan's parents would be okay with him marrying an American. Turns out they were not okay with Jennifer and neither was the brother that Stan thought would be on his side. Not only were they not okay with it but they forbade him from being with her and made him pick between them and Jennifer. And so they broke up. And she is crushed. Devastated. And so am I. Life is so hard enough and finding someone to love who loves you back is hard enough but family support is a very big deal even in 2012. And you really do marry the family. Just ask any married person.

Dear Prospective Suitor

Dear Prospective Suitor:

I'm a fairly open minded person but I don't want either of us to waste our time and there are certain things that are what our insurance underwriter would classify as DO NOT TAKES:


*If your truck has a vinyl cutout of Calvin peeing on anything, a silhouette of a naked woman or any kind of redneck political statement we are not meant for each other. I'd love to say all trucks, bumper stickers and/or vinyl lettering but I'm trying to be more open.

*If you have a child that you have "nothing to do with" we are not meant for each other. That could be me one day and I'm not into that. That was an actual "selling point" one time or at least the person thought it was.

*If you are so young that you do not know why it is funny when someone screams PIVOT when moving a large object then we cannot be together.

*If you can't understand that it is perfectly okay to have Florence, Nirvana, Rhianna, Madonna, P!nk, random B'way tunes, and the Beastie Boys on my iPod running mix then we cannot be together. You don't have to listen to it just don't make too much fun of me.

*We don't have to have the same political beliefs but if you think Jon Stewart is evil incarnate then we cannot be together.

*If you don't understand that my friends are very important to me and that they've made me the person that I am then we cannot be together. You too will be extremely important to me and will be a top priority but they are as well.

I think that covers all the important points. We can deal with your list for me and any other things that pop up on a case by case basis!

My babies

I love love love these tiny humans! Love.

Bye bye Dear Friend

Three years ago I met my dear friend Mr. Whirly Pop and we had a good relationship. He helped me be healthy by providing delicious popcorn treats and I helped him fulfill his purpose of greatness of using him nearly nightly. A few weeks ago there was an incident where I started a batch of popcorn and then started some laundry, made a phone call, etc. You know...I forgot and then it was WAY TOO LATE and my dear friend was dead and my house was full of nasty burned popcorn smell. Thankfully regular burned popcorn smell is not nearly as bad as burned microwave popcorn but it was still wretched and took me leaving the door open for hours and and entire spray bottle of Fabreeze to get the smell to go away.

Good-bye dear friend may you rest in peace.

I don't know if you can read the sign but it says NSA is Spying on You and they are slapped up all over my neighborhood. I know people who believe this and maybe in their case of never leaving their house, not owning a computer and/or cell phone (an actual friend of mine) it is true but in my case man I hope so. I try to make it easier for them by buying everything on line but I'm thinking I might try to help some more -- here's my schedule so you can focus on someone more important than me:

My workdays are usually similar -- work, work out, dinner with Jon Stewart, and a few nights a week some kind of movie, dinner or activity with friends. My weekends are a lot more interesting -- get up, go running, shower, grocery store, nap, eat, nap some more, get ready and go out with friends.

I'm fairly certain the actual terrorists know they are being watched and the rest of us are just minding our own business and trying to live our lives. I wonder how much those posters cost and how that money could have gone to a better use.

Reward Smeward!

I've blogged about this before but apparently it is time again. I hate, loathe, despise reward cards and I'm really starting to think I'm the only one who hates them. I don't want a special wallet to hold all the cards. I do not want everyone on earth knowing my E-mail address or my phone number. I do not want a free soda after I buy 17.000. I don't want a punch card (which reminds me I need to donate that Rio one I got last night because I will not use it) I just want you to lower your prices. The only place I will use the card is the grocery store because you have to. It is just real. The prices are too jacked up if you don't use it. Although, I will say that I rarely if ever go to that store because it is ghetto and because I hate the card. Yesterday I was getting my daily ice cream cone (my treat for lifting) and I was at Burger King. I never go to BK but I needed to shake it up because they are starting to recognize me at Artic Circle, The Amigo and McDonald's. So, I'm at BK getting my dollar cone and the girl asked me if I had a reward card. WHY DOES BK have a reward card? Isn't having clogged arteries reward enough? It isn't her fault that her company listened to someone like Barge telling them that they had to do it so I'm not going to take it out on her but really can't we all just band together and make them go away? Please...

Me and my BFF Mindy

I've been reading Mindy Kaling's book -- Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me? It isn't a long book and if I actually sat down and read it I could do it in about 2 hours but I've been savoring and enjoying every word. It is my out-and-about book that helps uncomfortable situations be much more fun: the perfect book for the treadmill and it is also ideal for general waiting: hair salon, standing in lines, waiting for friends to arrive, etc. The first half of the book I was convinced that I could have written it. She's smart and funny. I'm smart and funny. We were both nerdy chubby girls who wanted to write for TV: her comedy, me soap opera. Oh yeah, it is true I was convinced I was going to be a soap writer when I grew up. It was my secret obsession and I spent hours and hours and weeks and months reading every single book I could get my hands on about writing in general and soap writing specifically. You'd probably be surprised how many books the BYU library actually had for me to read. I would go with Bob to work and then spend hours in the library. After the first half of the book our lives obviously go in different directions--she's a famous TV writer for a successful show and I'm not.

Last night while waiting for my friends to arrive at the theater I was reading the book and had an ephiphay thanks to the genius of Mindy. I think I know why I'm attracted to younger guys -- they are just as scared of commitment as me. Not like relationship commitment, clearly that scares the bejesus out of me but any kind of commitment. I need a new phone but I know T-Mobile will make me agree to a 2 year contract and that thought makes me perspire. I could barely sign a 6 month lease on my new place because that's too long. And I'm not planning on moving or going anywhere. I LOVE where I live but contracts scare me. I have a hard time spending serious money on shoes and hand bags because I get bored easily and if you spend $400 on a bag you gotta love it. You've got to carry that damn thing with you everywhere. Even though, me, Angie, is terrified of commitment of any form I've taken steps recently to overcome that in certain circumstances. I may be scared of the end result of meeting someone on match.com but right now step one I'm focusing on Jen taking my pictures on Saturday. The rest will happen one step at a time.

Oh, Sweet Skinny Girl!

There's very little I love more than the size zero GAP associate extolling the virtues of the wide leg dress trouser as a way to "bond with me" over my purchase. Oh sweet, skinny girl, I've been buying these pants for years and I have them in every color that you make. I know they are great. I can also guarantee that you do not in fact own a pair.

That's all.

Just a Hug

Yesterday I had a meeting with a new client who had been very difficult and when I stuck out my hand for her to shake she grabbed and hugged me and then said, "I had to hug you after going all Exorcist on you yesterday". As I was leaving the room the client laughed again about hugging me and said, "It is a good thing you aren't a hug-a-phobe". I smiled and told her it was nice to meet her. Later my colleague said, "Wow, I know you are a hug-a-phobe. That must have killed you". This reminded me of a girl trip a few months ago when we were talking about how Steph can't stand to be hugged and I started giggling ...

Steph: Why are you laughing?
Ang: Cause I used to be you.
Steph: What changed?

I used to be the kid in the sandbox who didn't like to be touched. Everyone knew. My friends. My family. That kid grew into an adult that still didn't like to be touched but who knew that there were certain circumstances and/or people that required hugs. One of my worst memories was from college when one of my friends was having a crying meltdown and I gave her a comfort hug. Then the next day I heard her telling people, "Angie hugged me. She must have been really worried about me because she doesn't like to touch people". I will probably never forget that feeling I had thinking that I was defective and broken. So, what changed? A couple of things but mostly I'm part of a group of friends that are always hugging. It never ever bothered me--not even the first time. Everyone hugs: friends, complete strangers, everyone. It became so normal that one day at Craft Sabbath I ran into a friend from the salon where I go and I and hugged her. I hugged her! And it was totally normal. Made me start thinking "normal people do this" "normal people aren't afraid to be touched". Huh. Maybe I'm morphed into more of a normal person. After all it is just a hug.

Today

Today I am grateful for friends.
Today I am grateful that I have a job.
Today I'm grateful for the blue sky.
Today I'm grateful for vanilla ice cream cones.
Today I'm grateful for certain tiny humans.
Today I'm grateful for Florence & The Machine.
Today I'm grateful for free haircuts.
Today I'm grateful for The Bachelor.
Today I'm grateful that I am an adult.
Today I'm grateful that I am healthy.
Today I'm grateful that I get to be me.
Today I'm grateful for Jon Stewart.

Today I'm grateful that Eleni had a blog entry. Sure it made me cry a little bit but it started me me thinking about all of incredibly wonderful and also somewhat silly things that I have in my life. I may have my issues and some days may be worse and/or better than others but I'm a very lucky girl with a blessed life. I get to be me!

Looking Forward Not Back

Every blogger on earth has done the same thing this week but I think it will help me have some accountability to have my thoughts and desires spelled out on the interwebs.

Before I moved and had a long commute all of my super important thinking time was done while blow drying my hair. Now during drive time each morning I have time to think about the day and get ready for what needs to be done. Tuesday morning when I arrived at work I was pumped up and perkier than I've been in ages (just ask Z). All last weekend everyone was talking about how great 2o11 was and all the awesome things that happened to them. I half heartedly agreed but then during my drive on Tuesday morning I realized that 2011 mostly sucked for me. Don't get me wrong some amazingly wonderful things happened but overall I'd like to not have a repeat of last year. Which got me thinking about the best way to make that change was to start off 2012 with a bang and to just be in a good mood. On Tuesday that worked. Wednesday for about 1/2 the day I was perky and excited and then by Thursday I bordering on tears and by Friday I was obviously upset with multiple colleagues I don't care for and someone I actually like. A Lot. I know it is so much more than just deciding to be in a good mood. There are a zillion factors that go into the moods and emotions of someone such as myself but I really truly want to be a better, happier, healthier, kinder person and I want to spend the rest of this year working towards that goal. How am I going to do that and how am I going to measure my progress? I'm not entirely sure about the last one but I know that I've discovered some secrets that truly do help:

Get lots of sleep -- this one is hard for me because there's so many other things I'd rather be doing than sleeping especially since Santa brought me an AppleTV. Not too much sleep because then I'm depressed but just enough that I feel like a human being at 5 a.m. when the alarm goes off and tells me it is time to work out.

Eat right -- this isn't just about losing weight. This is about the unfortunate self-loathing that comes when I do not eat right. I've hired a trainer / nutritionist and she's my hero. She's hilarious, motivating and super strict. She hit the nail on the head the day that I e-mailed her "HELP--I'm eating everything in sight". Within minutes she responded with, "Angie put down the food and step away. If you had one flat tire on your car would you puncture the other three?" Um...no.

Exercize -- see above. It is not about losing weight. It is about burning off all the "I Hate Everyone Stress" and helps me stay centered. Also, if I lift weights I get to have an ice cream cone. Bonus!

Blog more -- this is incredibly theraputic and helpful. Plus, I no longer work with MBHW, AJ, LRH, SK or the Bish so it's all good and I can say whatever.

Religiously devour each and every word from Eleni -- her blog has truly changed my life. She's brutal and hilarious and the honest version of me in a 30 year old Greek form. She says things I always think but have been terrified to say out loud. I worship her and when I wake up, check my E-mail and have an update from her I really do jump out of bed in anticipation of anything she has to say. Here's her link http://hope.gr/. Everyone should read her regardless of their relationship status.

Stop hating the bulk of 9 hours out of every single work day. How do I change this? Well, there's some obvious ways but for now I'd like to focus on changing some things inside myself to help me hate the rest a lot less.

Take care of me -- this is loaded. It is huge. I need to be surrounded by people who love me. Not just people who need me but people who truly care about me and think about me and want to know who the real me is. I'm really done pretending to be someone else. I want to figure out who I am and be the best version of myself. Every day in every way try to be better.

Buy local -- I tried this for Christmas this year and it was great. I would love to do 100% local but I don't believe it is possible given how much I heart Amazon.com and iTunes. I am going to do everything I can do buy local and support my neighbors.

Stop falling for unavailable and inappropriate men. Yeah more to come but I'm trying match.com this year and it is going to be awesome! I may start a private blog for stories associated with my new dating life.

Best wishes to everyone in my life. Those I know and those I don't but well wishes for a very happy 2012! We can do it!