Dear Prospective Suitor

Dear Prospective Suitor:

I'm a fairly open minded person but I don't want either of us to waste our time and there are certain things that are what our insurance underwriter would classify as DO NOT TAKES:


*If your truck has a vinyl cutout of Calvin peeing on anything, a silhouette of a naked woman or any kind of redneck political statement we are not meant for each other. I'd love to say all trucks, bumper stickers and/or vinyl lettering but I'm trying to be more open.

*If you have a child that you have "nothing to do with" we are not meant for each other. That could be me one day and I'm not into that. That was an actual "selling point" one time or at least the person thought it was.

*If you are so young that you do not know why it is funny when someone screams PIVOT when moving a large object then we cannot be together.

*If you can't understand that it is perfectly okay to have Florence, Nirvana, Rhianna, Madonna, P!nk, random B'way tunes, and the Beastie Boys on my iPod running mix then we cannot be together. You don't have to listen to it just don't make too much fun of me.

*We don't have to have the same political beliefs but if you think Jon Stewart is evil incarnate then we cannot be together.

*If you don't understand that my friends are very important to me and that they've made me the person that I am then we cannot be together. You too will be extremely important to me and will be a top priority but they are as well.

I think that covers all the important points. We can deal with your list for me and any other things that pop up on a case by case basis!