Somebody

Somebody
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
He'll get my support
He will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
He will hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact he'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
He will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
And things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it




This is what I want. I really, truly, absolutely do want it but the hilarity or irony of it is two fold - one I actually recently had a shot at this and rejected him because he had some pretty big flaws and issues to overcome but more importantly and hilariously I don't know that I'd let someone be my Somebody. I am a version of this for a lot of people but I don't think I can let someone be it for me. I have such a hard time being vulnerable and opening up and on the rare occasions that I do I feel so awful after I share. Someday I'm going to get over my insecurities and issues and that

mustbeperfectmustnotshowflawsmustbesogoddamnamazingallthetime

 

wall that I've been clinging to my entire life. Someday maybe I can let someone love me the way I desperately desire. Until then I will continue to date men that are completely and totally unavailable and wrong for me. It's the worst defense mechanism and stupidest self-destructive trait that I have and yet I embrace it fully.