Red?

I know I've blogged about this before but I'm truly curious -- what is it about red? I am different when wearing red. Red clothes, nails, or recently red lipstick. Is it the actual red that inspires the head turns and second glances or is it the confidence I have when wearing the red?

Thoughts?

All I Want

Apparently in a past life or in heaven or whatever you believe we all picked roles and I picked the role of caretaker. I'm fairly decent at taking care of people and I do enjoy it. I like that people need me. I love that people share things with me but sometimes like right this second all I want is for someone to take care of me. I don't even care who. I just want someone who gives a shit about me, who can actually listen to me and then wrap their arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

I'm not in a bad place. I'm okay. Life is great but right now I don't want to be in charge of my life anymore.

That's all.

Oops!

Today during part of my lunch break I was driving around listening to X96 the local alternative radio station and the DJ was doing some kind of alphabet play list and needed an "O" song and started playing Justin Bieber's "One Less Lonely Girl". I will admit that something in my brain thought that it was a little weird and then the DJ cut in and said, "What did you think I'd lost my mind?" and started playing "Only Happy When it Rains". Yeah, way more appropriate.

Still giggling.

Road to Recovery

I almost died. There I said it. Some of you know about some of this and some of you have been forced to listen to me complain about it for months and for that I'm sorry. But for the most part I've kept a lot of it to myself. I've known I was sick for a long time but kept ignoring it. I'd have really rough days and feel as if I could barely keep my head up or get random comments like "you look horrible are you okay" or my favorite, "Let's go in the bathroom and put some blush on you before your dad sees you looking like that". And I'd think about going to the doctor but then I'd change my mind. Or, a couple of times I made commitments to myself...after I get through this project at work I'll go. Or after my trip to San Francisco or New York or after the 5K. But in the end just kept doing my thing and pretending that I'd be okay if I just rested a lot. And I know deep down that rest does not contribute to red blood cell growth but I kept pretending I was okay and that things would work out. And yes, I'm a very good pretender and an excellent actress. During all of this I was exercising a lot. I was training for my work's 5K and riding my bike all over town, doing the 30 Day Shred and Kettlebells, etc. etc. No one knows how I did all of this. Not me. Not the doctors. But I did and now I can say a couple of things contributed to me finally getting a referral from Elizabeth and making the appointment. One of those things was that my heart starting beating irregularly. Especially when I was running. Rather than going to the doctor I just started running at the hospital track cause you know...if something happens there at least I'll be closer. The second thing happened while I was babysitting my niece Bella one Sunday afternoon. Bella is four and has very high energy and we had played in the house, took a really long walk, jumped on the trampoline, and then she wanted to play house so went into her bedroom and she said to me "I'm going to be the mama and you will be my sweetie". Her way of being older and being in charge which was perfectly fine with me because I was able to crash on her bed. I'm posting the picture we took of us that day and I know I look horrible. I think that's what finally did it. I laid there praying Jeff would get home soon because I was afraid I was going to pass out and not wake up.

Finally I made an appointment and only cancelled it once. I went to the doctor and made her promise that no matter what she wouldn't hospitalize me. She told me "If you can walk into my clinic and run 4-5 miles every other day then there are other ways of dealing with the anemia". Little did Dr. H know the power of pure will because she was surprised when she got the results back and saw how bad my blood was. I knew it was serious once again when the actual doctor called with my results and not the nurse and we talked and made arrangements for me to go to the hospital and have tw0-three iron infusions a week. I hate iron infusions because they make me ill but I hate them a lot less than three days in the hospital so I happily agreed. Between the time of the original blood test and the first treatment my blood got even worse and went from "4" to "less than one". But we didn't know that at the time. I think that little bit of information fell through the cracks between the hospital and my doctor and enabled me to run the Freedom 10K on the 4th of July. On the 5th I went to the clinic at the hospital for my infusion and the nurse asked me what I did for the holiday and I told him I ran a 10K and he looked at me and then looked at my chart and then looked at me again and said, "How?" I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "I wanted to". I know during all of this I scared a lot of you and I'm sorry. So much so that even my father who notices nothing begged me to not do the race. But in my defense I had worked so hard and couldn't skip it. It was one of the hardest physical things I've ever done but I was super proud of myself when it was over.

So now after 15 infusions and a lot of horrible nausea and acheyness and general ick I feel a lot better. My blood and iron are normal and after a two week hiatus from exercise I'm back to running. Not biking and everything else yet but I'm running again and training for the Mammoth 10K in September. It's a downhill race and I'm actually really nervous about it. Especially after talking to Chaddy who ran it last year and telling me that at a certain point his knees nearly snapped. Oh yay!

I'd like to thank all of my friends and family who have been incredibly supportive the last few months. To RHC for bringing me dinner and treats and for understanding that it is August 17th and we still have not biked the canyon. For everyone who forgave me when I had to cancel plans because I didn't feel good. For TJ who wanted to run the 10K with me at my pace in case I had a problem during the race. I told her that there were 250,000 people looking out for me so I'd be okay. For those of you who threatened to call my mother and tell my boss I'm grateful for your love and friendship. And for everyone who had to listen to me complain. Thank you all!

I've made some promises to take my meds three times a day, get weekly B-12 shots and continue to get my blood tested with more regularity. I promised my mother. I promised Dr. H and most importantly I promised myself. The meds make me feel horrible but a couple of hours of daily nausea is better than dying so I'm on board. I promise.

Happiness = The Moth

Happiness = listening to The Moth. All Day Long.

That's all.

Ahhhh, I Miss This Place!

I miss you.

HobbiesHobbiesHobbies!

Hi, my name is Angie and I have an addictive personality. My particular addiction manifests itself in hobbies. I like taking classes and trying new things and the thing I've recently realized is that all hobbies come with their own set of expensive equipment. Here's a quick snapshot of some of my hobbies and the ridiculous amounts of stuff that they require:

*Scrapbooking -- oy vey there's no words to even describe all the shiz you have to have in order to do this particular hobby. I've gotten rid of nearly everything since I rarely if ever participate in this anymore but there's still all kinds of stuff a person needs to even make a quick thank you card.
*Photography -- cameras, lenses, tripods, memory cards, etc etc etc. Oh, and the classes that go with this and the fact that you need to have a relationship with a good printer so that all your hard work looks great.
*Baking -- when I moved back from New York I owned nothing and when I started baking originally it was to fill the void of no-good baked goods in this town. It later morphed into a very important coping/therapeutic tool but let's just say that I used to bake a lot. And baking requires a bazillion tools. Every time I made something new I had to buy or borrow something to complete the project.
*Cake decorating -- my obsession with baking died out for the most part but then I started cake decorating or in my case cake destroying. I wish I had known how incredibly sucky I'd be at this before I bought every single tool a person could or would need.
*Biking--so yeah you need a bike. And a helmet, and a pump and that green goo, and a water bottle, and a bike lock and then you need a new bike because the bike you have is a piece of shiz and requires WAY more work to get around town than it should.
*Jogging--obviously you need good shoes but did you know that good shoes only last so long? I've been jogging since Spring and already I had to buy new shoes the end of June. Not only good (expensive) shoes, but $20 socks that don't slide, and a knee band, and a stop watch, and razor back tanks, and good pants that hold in all the flab, and an armband for my phone and a fully charged shuffle so I don't lose my mind while jogging and something to hold water on long runs, and blah blah blah.

I could go on and on but I'm starting to sound like the crazy person I am so I will stop now. I did just realize that Blogging requires nothing extra. Hmmm, this might be my new favorite hobby.

Sweet is the Smell

This morning while I was running I realized that my neighborhood is one gigantic combination of scents -- some wonderful and some not so wonderful. The first leg of my run I always smell fabric softener which is truly one of my favorite scents. One of these days I will run into someone using the stuff that the hot Dominican guy who did my laundry in NYC used and I'll knock on their door and ask what it is. I've been searching for that scent for years. So, first I get the sweet pleasure of smelling fresh laundry. Then, as I run down the hill and around the corner on 1200 I get to smell a combination of some kind of animals. One day I ran into a sheep but usually it is dogs and horses. Then further up the block I run past the house that ALWAYS no matter what time I'm running: early morning, afternoon, night smells like pot. Further up the block as I pass 200 I get to smell more horses -- there are a lot of random homes with horses in the neighborhood--the zoning is all wacky if you ask me. As soon as I turn onto State Street and way before I can even see it I begin smelling the wonderfulness that is Smoking Apple BBQ restaurant. Even at 7 a.m. that place smells incredible and makes me think I want to eat dinner. I wish I could go on smelling BBQ but shortly after that fades into the wind I get the unbelievably powerful scent of dogs that probably aren't being taken care of. They used to bark like crazy when I ran past their cage but they know me by now and so they sit and I smell and then I hold my breath as long as I can (really hard when you are trying to control your breathing while jogging--especially at the top of a hill). Finally after the nasty scent of gross dogs leaves my nose I get the also not so pleasant smell of pesticides from the fruit trees. Yes, there are still fruit trees in Orem. And finally and happily after the fruit trees I get the wonderful sweet smell of home and a successful run!

P.S. It isn't lost on me that one of the scents I get to smell is my nasty self at the end of the run. Thank goodness for soap and shampoo and a hot shower!

Things that Remain Constant

The world is continually changing or at least my world is but some things remain constant.

*There will be a Thursday morning wardrobe meltdown resulting in tears and in me being late to work.

*Even though literally I only know four people in my neighborhood I will inevitably run into someone I know while jogging.

*I will spend a large portion of the day freezing in my office. Even the space heater barely makes a difference. (CJ how did you stand it in here?)

*Diet coke will make me happy. Especially on the 9 o'clock drink run with my bullyesque friends.

*I will get lots of hugs from Zacky this afternoon while I'm babysitting. We will also probably watch some kind of action movie while he pretends to be Spiderman, Harry, or Angel (yes, friends he thinks he's Angel).

*Someone in my building will have some kind of crisis that I will be forced to help fix. I'm the fixer and have recently discovered that no one really talks to me unless they need help solving a problem.

Yay, Thursday!

Crazy, Stupid Love

A few weeks ago I was confiding in my friend Kendra and telling her about some of the stuff I've been going through lately including dealing with a broken heart and she commented like all good friends should with "What is wrong with men?" Well, let's be honest, there's a lot wrong with men but not with this particular guy. He's the perfect combination of smart (he even reads), sexy and sweet. He's even a bit snarky which is of course why I love him. He gets me like no one has gotten me in ages. He can tell when I'm truly happy, when I'm faking it and knows when all I need is a hug. "Ang, are you ok? I know you aren't. What's up?" He's also one of the easiest guys to talk to. He just doesn't feel about me the way I feel about him. I know he likes me and for the longest time I wanted him in my life so much that I tried really hard to just be friends because before I fell for him I loved him as a friend. When he asks me about other guys my whole body cringes because who wants to talk to an A-List guy about the B-List guys that do not matter? Yes, I stole that from Felicity but it is a perfect description of how I feel when we would talk about other relationships.

A couple of weeks ago I decided it would be best to keep my distance for a while so that I could get over him and stop thinking about him All The Time. Except that still 12 times a day whenever anything funny happens or someone does something insane at work I think "Oh, I can't wait to tell...."

This particular broken heart is quite a bit different from what I'm used to because I don't hate him. I don't want to stab him in the face or push him off a cliff. Not only do I not hate him but I think because of that this situation has resurrected some very bad demons that I truly believed had been exorcised from my soul. Bringing up all the old insecurities, self esteem issues and self-loathing. Oh my gosh make it stop! It might help if I stopped listening to the same six songs over and over. I'm actually quite proud of myself that I've expanded from the same two songs to six but still--can't be helping.

Peace. Peace. Peace.

Me and MyFitness Pal

Several months ago I started using an awesome little app called MyFitness Pal. I had the app on my phone, on my iPad and logged in each day from work. MFP helped me lose a bunch of weight by helping me track calories eaten and the calories I burned while exercising. For a while MFP gave me happy praise each and every day. He also told me when my friends were doing well and when I needed to remind them to step it up and get back on track. Everything was grand until I stopped exercising as much and kept eating as much as I wanted. Then at the end of the night MFP would say mean things like if you keep eating at this rate you will be fat in the next five weeks--or other hateful things. So then I stopped using it and it still kept E-mailing me messages reminding me of its power and glory. I've ignored the E-mails and reminders until today. This morning my favorite black dress pants do not fit in the manner in which I'd prefer so I made the monumental decision to beg MFP to take me back.

Now we're dating again and hopefully this time I'll live up to my end of the bargain and do what my boyfriend MFP tells me to do. Damn, it sounds like 1956 in here.

Project Picture of the Day

So far in 2011 I've been working on a picture of the day project. Most of the time taking one picture a day to feature in my book has been no big deal but sometimes I've had to get a bit creative. I take my camera everywhere including on my bike and lately I've had a few close calls and have learned some valuable lessons:

Most Valuable Lesson so far -- when taking a stealth picture of a stranger TURN OFF YOUR FLASH! This has gotten me in trouble at least three times that I can think of:

1) taking a picture of a grown woman wearing embroidered peacocks on her pants.
2) taking a picture of a really ugly bumper sticker while sitting on the on-ramp on the freeway
3) just this morning in line at McDonald's I saw one of those freaks with the vinyl families on their car but this one was Jesus fish vinyl family. I had had had to take a pic of that and once again forgot to turn off my flash. The woman followed me for a few miles until I turned off to go to work.

One of these times I'm going to get my ass kicked.

Turn off the flash Millet.

Power of a Thank You

A few minutes ago someone just told me thank you for doing something relatively unimportant for them and it got me thinking about how much I love that phrase. It's a really simple phrase but it truly does mean a lot. At least to me it does. It makes me smile. Makes me feel good and makes me want to help you more in the future.

Thank you.

Thank you for covering for me for a week and postponing necessary medical treatments for yourself so you could do my horribly stressful job.

Yeah, that one I'll never hear but if I say it enough in my head maybe I'll convince myself that I did hear it and that it was genuinely real and heartfelt.

Test

Getting Off the Couch

I've been trying to change certain things in my life for a while. One of those things is trying to be healthier. I think for the most part I'm fairly normal and I have ups and downs with making good food choices and making regular exercise part of my life. Last November I joined a gym with one of my friends and had the goal to fit into a dress for a big party. Then a while ago we (really me) started talking about doing the Community Action Food Bank 5K for a work activity. Our boss got on board and paid for our team and thankfully one of my colleagues took over the planning and recruiting. I'm perfectly capable of doing the planning but he's more popular than me so it was much better for it to come from him. 9 weeks ago yesterday I started the Couch Potato to 5K training and little by little have been able to see a difference with my endurance and my ability to not want to throw myself down the stairs at the end of the workout. I would occasionally look ahead in the program but then I'd start to panic about how I could go from week four to week five but the amazing thing is THAT YOU CAN! Somehow someway you can go from running 8 minutes in a row to running 20 minutes (that week I even read the program wrong and ran for 25 minutes). Also during my "training" I was on vacation in NYC and got the opportunity to run in Riverside Park which was a super awesome treat. I also realized it is WAY easier to run at sea level than up in this elevation.

Last Saturday I met 20 colleagues at 7:30 in the morning for our big run and here's me crossing the finish line. My goal was to run the entire thing and I DID IT!


When I'm running the first 10 minutes are pure hell and then somehow I can disconnect my brain from what I'm doing to my body and can get through the rest of the run but on Saturday at the 1.75 mile marker as I was about to fall over and die Jay-Z came on my play list and started singing about my favorite place in all of the world and I was able power through the rest of the run. At the very end I was even singing and dancing to Show me How from the Burlesque soundtrack. It is literally impossible not to shake your ass when you listen to that song. Sure I'm slow as molasses but I did it. I did it. I did it. Yay Me!

Now for the real challenge. I just registered for the Provo Freedom 10K that is in less than five weeks. I've made up my own little training schedule and I'm going to do the best I can to complete this goal as well. I wouldn't say that I love to run. I'm not quite there yet but I have felt something in the last few weeks of training at the end of a run that I've only felt in one other situation that has nothing to do with organized exercise. Those bloody endorphins people talk about are real.

Rain, Rain Go Away

Question of the Day:

How many times can girl hair get rained on and still look 1/2 way presentable?

All anyone does is complain about the weather and so I've mostly tried to keep quiet but I can't take this rain ANYMORE! Unrelenting horrible freezing cold rain.

That's all.

When I Grow Up

When I was a little girl and people would ask me if I would marry a doctor or a lawyer when I grew up my mother would often answer "No, she's going to be one". Which is nice and fine and dandy. What I really wanted to be was President of the United States. Now that I'm a grown up or kind of a grown up I know that is quite possibly the worst job in the world so I'm glad I'm not the leader of the free world. Now as I contemplate what I want to be when I grow up it is a lot less about what I do for a living than what kind of a person I will be in general.

When I grow up:

I want to be kind
I want to be loving
I want to be understanding of the differences in others
I want to think before I speak and type and act
I want to be forgiving
I want to be helpful

Mostly I want to be me but a better, more positive and more successful version of me.

I'm Back!

I actually posted a couple of things yesterday but then Blogger crashed and they went away--probably for the best since I was angry when I made the posts.

Mostly I'm happy. Life is grand and I want to be postive.

Things to Ponder

The other day I was walking down 86th Street in NYC and I saw a mom drop off her teenage son, kiss him on the cheek and watch him walk into school as she shouted "have a great day!". I spent much of the rest of the day wondering what kind of kid he was, if he was a good kid, did it bother him that his mom kissed him in front of all his friends, did she need to watch him walk into school to make sure he went or did she enjoy that as part of her morning ritual. I truly did think a lot about this and then later that day I was at lunch with two friends and heard a story about another teenage boy that warmed my tired, cold, dead heart. This kid, we'll call him Spencer had a girlfriend. He'd gone out on a date or two with her and then one day when his mom asked about her he said they had broken up. His mom asked why and he said, "Because she was mean". Delving deeper into what made her "mean" he told his mom that he and girlfriend were sitting at at table and another girl from their tiny high school came up and asked if she could sit there. She sat. They all talked and then after she left his girlfriend turned to Spencer and said, "Can you believe that? Who does she think she is?" And so he broke up with her. Hallelujah! I wish all of us could be a little more like Spencer and stand up for kindness. My brother Jeff is on a mission to help people be a little less petty, a bit less mean and a lot more Christ-like. While I applaud his efforts and want him to succeed I know from my own personal experience that it is often difficult to undo years and years of what I like to call Mean Girl Syndrome. This doesn't just affect girls even some guys get into this weird thing where they introduce their parents to everyone except for you and have a pie party with everyone on the floor except for you. Meh, I could get my feelings hurt but for the most part it is comical to me and I can just try to be kind and open and not let stupid petty ridiculous things bother me.

Stalker Be Damned

I haven't blogged in a while and it is because I have a stalker. Not a scary follows-me-around kind of a stalker (gosh I hope not) but someone who hates me and for whatever reason seems to enjoy stalking my blog and then blabbing about it. Periodically, this creeps me out enough to stop blogging but not enough to go private. I hate private blogs and so here I am in that "not creeped out" moment!

Be damned!
Be damned!
Be damned!

I'm back!

What's New?

Been a while since I blogged and there's lots rolling around in my head. Be prepared for completely and ridiculously random thoughts.

*I listen to the radio now and not only do I listen to the radio I actually listen to the "popular station" and now know what all the kids are listening to now days.
*It is impossible to go to Target and not spend at least $100.
*I love my job but am so weary of the girl-drama, gossiping and back biting. I wish if Person A had a problem with Person B they would talk to Person A and work it out or at least come to a detente. I know that it is such a grown-up idea but it seems so foreign in the world in which I live.
*Dating sucks--one wretchedly long 20 year job interview. I was actually talking to the guy that I like a lot about this the other day and apparently guys hate it too. He just started dating someone so no comments about who he might be--doesn't matter.
*I am terrible at cake decorating. RHC and I took a class. It was fun. I learned stuff and had a good time but I cannot decorate or even frost a cake without everything falling apart. Not only falling apart but you should see the burn/scar on my belly from the cupcake pan.
*Lent started 15 days early for me. I needed something to help me focus and couldn't afford to wait two more weeks. Mostly, this year I'm focusing on sticking to my diet--that doesn't mean no baked-goods it means making the best choices as often as possible and sticking to my Points Plan which really means very little baked-goods.
*I love Project Life--it's been so fun to take a picture a day and try to celebrate all the different aspects of my life. I apologize to some of my friends for the constant pictures but it has been fun for me and I've even been printing the pictures once a week and doing all the journaling.
*I watch The Bachelor. Yes, friends, there it is. I watch a show that the premise of makes every bit of my soul hurt. I don't find Brad very attractive and I have so many issues with the concept of it but there's something so much fun about Monday nights with my friends watching the show and listening to J&N have the same argument over and over. And over.
*It super cracks me up that there is a smoke shop attached to my gym. I actually secretly like the smell of fresh cigarette smoke but it is weird to me that every night when I leave the gym I nearly choke to death walking to my car. It also makes me wonder what they actually sell there because it is crazy busy in the parking lot even late at night.
*I had oral surgery 11 days ago and my mouth is finally starting to heal. I miss straws so much and can't wait until they can be part of my life again.
*I cannot decide what to do about my living situation. Move. Not move. Move to Sugarhouse or Downtown. Move to Draper (ugh...). Move to Northern UC (mostly double ugh). Move into a much bigger place with a roommate. Continue to live alone.
*The list of creepy married guys in my world has gotten bigger thanks to the most recent one who asked me to be his Valentine last Monday. Really, dumb ass?
*The list of fabulous married guys in my world has actually gotten bigger. I'll publish my annual list later but I adore you Nick Jarrett.
*I used to hate Mexican food. It has now become my stand-by/fall-back/crave all the time food. Especially the weirdly amazing tacos at the gas station/smoke shop combo in Provo. They have delicious chips and guac too. If you are local make sure you go to Mtn West Burrito. It is wonderfully worth it.

Bully This

Last week was the roughest week of my professional career and as I reflect on the events of the past week I don't concentrate on the difficult tasks and the long hours but more on the lesson I learned. I spent a lot of last week being manipulated and taunted by a bully. I would imagine that she's always been a bully and that she often gets her way and in months or years past I would have let her get under my skin and not only ruin my week but also my weekend. This particular bully is mean. She's nasty and she's an ignoramus that can't even properly spell her insults but I'm not letting her bother me because I don't want to be like her. I'm sure she has a sad miserable life and the takes out that frustration on others as a way to make herself feel better. I'm not better than her but I can be a kind and understanding person and I can appreciate the goodness and happiness in all the little things because LIFE IS WONDERFUL and should be enjoyed and cherished.

10 Tiny Humans?

Here they are 9 of the 10 gorgeous tiny humans. How in the world could 9 kids and 6 adults not notice that one was missing? Who knows. None of that is important. What is important is that we are one crazy-weird family and even though we may not always like each other we do

LOVE

each other. These little people are the most important people in my world and I would do anything for them. Anything.

Eeney Meeny Miney Mo

Work has been insanely intense and I've had the opportunity to earn some extra money the real question is how shall I spend the money? I could easily piddle it away on little bits of nothing or I could buy myself something fun:

*plane ticket
*iPad
*new camera
*I'm sure I could think of a few other things...

Thoughts?

The New Me? Or, Just the Real Me?

I've recently discovered that I may possibly have become somewhat slightly high maintenance. How and when did this happen? And more importantly can a person be "slightly high maintenance?"

Probably not...

More Holiday Fun

Ang and Brayden

Nick and Becky doing a little Christmas jig

Ryan and Melly

Leslie and Brad

Just a little after dinner dancing

Casey and Patrick

Most of the gang at dinner--

Look at the gorgeous table and my fabulous friends!

Patrick Nick and Becky

Doing a little Garth Brooks.

Ang and Tory

Opening my awesome gift from Brandon.

Andrea Leslie and Jeff

This really truly was a wonderful holiday season so many

wonderful moments to remember forever. I love my life.

Love my friends and family and the bazillion blessings

I get to experience each day.

Happy Holidays to all!

Decisions are the Worst

Tonight after my weekly dinner date with RHC we went to look at a new apartment for me. My lease expired last week and against my better judgement I said I would sign another 6 month lease. To put it mildly I have major commitment issues and despise signing leases. Even though I have no real intention of moving I hate the thought of being stuck anywhere. After I agreed to sign the lease (but haven't done it yet) I discovered that there will be another noisy tiny human living upstairs in about 6 months. I love that my place is newish, mostly affordable and close to work. I love all my things but without a doubt my apartment is TINY. Miniature. Wee.

The place we looked at tonight is 2 blocks from where I currently live (so still super close to work) and is GIGANTIC. So freaking big--at least 2.5 times the size of my current place. The house is newer and pretty and I'd have a living room, two real bedrooms, a walk-in closet and a pantry in the kitchen. An actual pantry.

Reasons not to take the new place:

*I hate moving. A lot.
*More money per month
*I'd have to buy a washer/dryer and a bunch more furniture to fill all the space
*I did agree to sign the damn lease
*I hate moving
*The big fat unknown
*Would I really move to another place in The UC? If I were to move wouldn't it be up North?
*Did I say how much I hate moving?

Regardless of what happens it is something to think about and consider--as if I don't have enough rolling around in my head right now. Oy vey.

SERENITY NOW

I know I'm a stress case and I know I've had a lot of intense jobs and lots of ridiculous responsibilities but I've never worked this hard, under this much stress with this many complications in the air.

I'm not corporate-work-a-holic-girl. I like doing my little job, doing it well and bolting out the door at 4:58 to go experience my real life. I don't like running around like a crazy person and leaving work at 8:20 p.m. because I can't think any longer.

Oh, if I survive the next couple of weeks it will be the best New Years Miracle ever.

In the words of my good friend Mr. Costanza:

SERENITY NOW!

To The Real True Grit

Yesterday was my Grandpa's birthday. He died several years ago but I still think of him every year on his birthday. He was a real old fashioned cowboy with true grit--maybe even more grit than my father would have wished but he loved us and when we were little took us camping (yeah, I've been camping) and fishing and taught us how to ride horses. My mom said he was her real John Wayne and so yesterday in Grandpa's honor we went to see the new version of True Grit. The film was fantastic starring Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Hailee Steinfeld and makes me want to read the book. My Grandpa may not have been a US Marshal but he was a great man who could definitely out cowboy Rooster Cogburn.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!