Grammar Schmammer

A few weeks ago, my dear friend Sonya and I were sitting in our hotel room in Las Vegas talking about the things we valued in prospective suitors and more importantly the things that are at the top of our laminated lists. Our lists are pretty simple and have definitely evolved over the years but one thing that we talked about eliminating from our list is our obsession with proper grammar and by proper grammar I mean not eliminating a person because they don't know the difference between "too" and "to" and "your" and "you're". These things still drive me crazy but I'm currently seeing someone who can't get either of those right and who also sent me a text this morning that said, "you are so dam hot". And I'm letting it go because I like him. Yeah it bugs but I used to be involved with a genius who I hero worshiped and sometimes he got "too" and "to" wrong. I pick my battles. The following is a honest to God English Teacher's biggest nightmare come to life --

ReplAcement take care of you hahahahaHahh don't care you play!!!lol

Good you think like a guy but a guy won't give you respect cuz your a ho!!
Just saying!! Your a playa

too haha your not!! lol

Then at 3:20 a.m.:

Hope u got it!! remember your guy with the number

playa ok!!

Haha

Obviously I didn't respond.

Sorry wrong text :(

 

Then on Saturday at 2:02 in the morning:

 

Lol

 

Then on Saturday at 11:03 in the afternoon:

 

Hope your having a good weekend there Later Playa

player!! :)'

 

First things first, he's an a-hole. A huge a-hole. Second, yes, I can eliminate him from my dating pool based on the above grammar. I'd like to eliminate him from the gene pool too but I don't believe in that....

Somebody

Somebody
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
He'll get my support
He will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
He will hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact he'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
He will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
And things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it




This is what I want. I really, truly, absolutely do want it but the hilarity or irony of it is two fold - one I actually recently had a shot at this and rejected him because he had some pretty big flaws and issues to overcome but more importantly and hilariously I don't know that I'd let someone be my Somebody. I am a version of this for a lot of people but I don't think I can let someone be it for me. I have such a hard time being vulnerable and opening up and on the rare occasions that I do I feel so awful after I share. Someday I'm going to get over my insecurities and issues and that

mustbeperfectmustnotshowflawsmustbesogoddamnamazingallthetime

 

wall that I've been clinging to my entire life. Someday maybe I can let someone love me the way I desperately desire. Until then I will continue to date men that are completely and totally unavailable and wrong for me. It's the worst defense mechanism and stupidest self-destructive trait that I have and yet I embrace it fully.

Thanksgiving Hell

The other day I was trying to set up a time to get together with a guy I met online and we were having trouble making our schedules connect - it is a lot harder than it would seem - I can't imagine how much harder if I had to deal with shuffling kids, too. I suggested Thursday night and he replied with "That's THANKSGIVING. No way!" and one more time I was reminded why I try to go out of town for this bloody holiday. Don't get me wrong I love me some time off from work and I love me even more some Thanksgiving food. It is my favoritest food of the year but the rest of the weekend can go to Hell.

Normal families spend the weekend together. Normal families play games and go to movies and have a lovely time. Here's what will happen at Casa Millet - dinner at 4 p.m. I will go over a few hours early and help my mom while the boys sit on their asses and watch football. Then we will eat, someone will cry (sure hope it isn't me), someone will get mad (let's be honest it will be me) and some kid will get grounded (also, really hope it isn't me). We will finish eating and the boys will commence sitting on their asses and watch more freaking (not the word I'm thinking right now) football while Shauna and I spend an hour cleaning up. And then I will drive home and spend the rest of the weekend alone because everyone I know is spending the weekend with their families - playing games and going to the movie and eating their faces off.

Can someone please put an event on their calendar to remind *translate: force* me to make out-of-town plans for Thanksgiving. I'd do it but I'll think "No, it's okay. It will be different..." and it won't and I'll be writing this same blog entry.

Tip That Thing Over!

I'm Not Broken - Just a Tiny Bit Bruised!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

A few weeks ago I was with my Iusedtowishhewasmyboyfriend and we were talking about relationships and stuff. We are both pretty much scared to death of commitment and of being hurt and he was telling me about a couple he knows who has been in a committed monogomous relationship for 10 years. They are not married nor do they live together but they spend most of their free time together and are completely in love. My Iusedtowishhewasmyboyfriend mentioned that they get a lot of grief from family and friends for not taking that next step. I listened intently and looked up and said, "That sounds like heaven to me". In the next few days I shared this with several people but finally had to stop because of the beatings I was taking. For instance this is just a bit of what my "friends" said to me:

Ew, I don't want that!
Why would you want that?
What is WRONG with you?
That is so messed up, Ang!

and my all time favorite:

YOU ARE SO BROKEN!

Doesn't anyone have a filter? I don't want people to lie to my face but really, "YOU ARE SO BROKEN" is mean and hurtful. I did have one response to my anecdote that didn't make me want to crawl into a hole and die and it was from the guy I was seeing at the time. He looked at me and nodded and said, "I totally understand why that appeals to you."

I'm really not broken but I am bruised and even though I realize this isn't the ideal situation for everyone and probably isn't actually the ideal situation for me it does make some sense. To me.

That's all.

All The Little Things

Big things are awesome but they are also more rare. I've decided that generally it is the little things that matter most. For instance this week was pretty rough -- work is tense and life in general is very complicated. More complicated than it's been in a really long time but do you know what helped me cope and get through it (I feel as if I'm through it since it is 4:24 on Friday)?

*Private message from someone I don't even know telling me that he loves my hair cut in my profile picture and that "it really works for you".

*Private message from a friend that I only know on-line asking if I was okay after I posted that I hadn't slept in three days. And he checked on me a couple days later to see if I was sleeping and feeling better. So awesome!

*The other day I came home and my phone buzzed with a text from my adorable teenage landlord saying, 'You look way cute today :) just thought I'd tell you'.

*The sweet sales girl at the local boutique who complimented my earrings.

*Awesome friends. You know who you are.

**There you go the Code to Ang has been cracked -- I'm eeeeeeeeeeeasy and compliments and kindness work miracles.

Men! Really, What Are They Really Thinking?

Seinfeld: We like women. We want women. But that's pretty much as far as we've thought.

Grrr!

My Name is ...

 

Okay, so my name is Angela but only three humans on earth can get away with calling me that - my brother Jeff, Shannen's dad Phil and my mom's friend Janet. It is a perfectly acceptable name but it just isn't me. It never really has been me. One day when Perfect was really little my mom overheard her telling her best friend Angela, "When you grow up and are cool like my big sister your name will be Angie". My formal name is Angie. That's what I go by professionally, it's how I introduce myself and it is my name. Over time as things naturally happen it has been shortened to Ang and I love that name and I love it when people I care about call me Ang. My family and friends call me Ang - I'm quite certain that my nephew Zack thinks my legal name is Ang and I love it but man oh man when people I loathe with the fire of a thousands suns call me Ang every single hair on the back of my neck stands up and I physically cringe. I was just walking down the hall at work and ran into 2.0 and Sherbert who both cheerily said, "Hi, Ang!" Ugh. Why is this such a big deal for me? Why does the bile from my stomach start to go to my mouth? I have got to get over this. Right? Nah, a little rage is a good thing and reminds me that I'm actually still breathing.

Til the end of time I will love the poster that Kacee made for my 38th Birthday Party - How long have you known Ang? And yes, if you've been invited to the party you are allowed to call her that.

Zip This!

Hi, my name is Angie and I'm terrified of heights. I get weirded out every single afternoon at 4:55 when I have to climb on a chair to turn the fountain off at work. That's how afraid. Several months ago in a moment of strength I bought a Groupon for MAX Zipline in Provo Canyon and last Saturday Marcel and I redeemed the coupon.

Here we are right before the tour starts with the beautiful mountains in the background. Yes, I have a really weird look on my face but that's because two seconds earlier Marcel was doing something pornographic with his line brake. I was super excited for the adventure but also very scared. However, our two tour guides were super chill and funny and after I stepped off that first ledge I was completely fine. It was the most fun I've had in ages. It was exciting and so much fun! I can't wait to go back.

Baaaa!

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

First and foremost I must say that I hate being a sheep and am occasionally *translate often* bugged by the sheepy / trendy things that I've done in my life.

Second and secondmost *I think I made up that word* I did have a first generation iPhone and we had issues. Constant issues. It was even stolen in NYC and returned to me but still when it died I was totally happy getting a different smart phone.

Third and thirdmost *totally made up* I hate being with a group of people who instead of talking, watching the movie, partying, etc are all sitting and playing with their phones. I HATE it. I know sometimes you need to take a call or check a message but no one that I spend time with regularly is a heart surgeon or President of the United States so it is hurtful to me when it happens.

Fourth and fourthmost, I was intending to wait until the new version was released but last week my phone started cycling over and over and turning itself on and off and so I knew I had to get a new phone immediately and so like all good sheep I caved and bought the iPhone 4s. I wanted to be indifferent. I wanted to not care about this new contraption and just be chill about the fact that I have it but I can't. Why you ask?

BECAUSE IT IS THE

COOLEST THING EVER.

It is so awesome and I love it to death. I've only had it for four days and I still feel this way. Last night I discovered that 5 Guys has "an app for that" and grabbed my phone to download it but then realized I really don't need that. Oh hell, can you imagine?

Yeah I kinda hate myself but whatevs. It is what it is and it is freaking awesome! That's all.

Really?

Dear Universe,

Why all of the sudden am I getting E-mails from BYU Athletics? Like really? There's not two words less appealing to me. Maybe serial killer but that's about it.

Please stop.

Ang

Is it a Date?

Actual conversation I had today with one of my very best friends:

BND: What's your plan for the weekend?
Ang: Ziplining.
BND: Oh yeah, is that a date?
Ang: What?
BND: Is it a date?
Ang: He's a 27 year old Mormon boy. You do the math.
BND: But he's a boy.
Ang: Oy! You know how you are like my big brother? He's the little brother I never had (even though I have four -- I even said that).

So funny that this isn't the first time I've had this conversation about me and Marcel. Apparently, Harry was right and men and women cannot be friends. Bummer cause he's one of my besties.

Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes or Some Random Ranting!

Women are not walking pornography. If they are walking pornography for you then you should probably get some help. Shoulders are not sexual. Neither are knees. Don’t get me wrong, a good shoulder massage can be a huge turn on and if you grab my knee I will jump you *in a good way* but all alone shoulders and knees are not sexual. Little girls should not be aware that Shade shirts even exist. I love that my sweet three year old niece who is being raised by my very conservative sister wears sundresses, tank tops and real shorts and doesn’t have to worry about anything on her shoulders other than sunscreen. I wear sleeves most of the time because at work I have to and because I hate my body not because I’m trying to be modest.

P.S. I hate the word modest and like my hero Jana Riess says 'there's nothing modest about a $700 prom dress'.

Pain and Sadness

Today when I was stirring my microwaved Lean Cuisine lunch and trying to avoid third degree steam burns two pieces of chicken fell on the floor. Do you know how big a deal it is when TWO out of the four or five you actually get fall to the floor and must be thrown away. Now I'm going to think about those pieces all day long and mourn their loss in my belly.

I'll be honest, I didn't want to eat this 220 calorie feast of frozen cardboard. I really want 5 Guys but as my co-worker TM and I discussed last week, I may want 5 Guys every bloody single day but I don't want to look like someone who eats 5 Guys every bloody single day. So here I am sitting here and savoring every freaking tiny bite (sans two bites of chicken) and looking forward to three o'clock when I get to eat an apple.

40 Fabulous Things About Me!

(these are in no particular order)

I love The Bachelor franchise.

I loathe emoticons and abbreviations. I don't judge people who use them and I will admit that sometimes you just gotta (another thing I hate but you know...sometimes it is necessary) to convey your point.

I love hugs from kids. I met the cutest kid a few weeks ago at BBQ and she was adorbs (yeah, I did it again).

I loathe vinyl families on cars. Occasionally I spot a really great one like *the man and woman with the money bags instead of kids* but in the end it is all just really tacky.

I'm addicted to podcasts. I can listen for hours and hours and hours. I haven't listened to music at work in I don't know how long.

I loathe with all my soul the idea of City Creek Mall.

I love cupcakes, cookies, and any kind of baked good.

I loathe insincerity and fakeness.

I love Michelle Obama.

I loathe driving.

I love diet coke but have stopped having it at my house. None of you have any idea how big of a deal that is.

I loathe the heat this summer and am done, done, done with it.

I love the violet streak in my hair. Thanks, Twix for doing what I asked and thank you Z for prepping him with the idea.

I loathe Glen Beck.

I love my family.

I loathe ranch dressing.

I love the Olympics (yet, I hate most sports).

I loathe teasing. I'm sensitive and it is always rooted in meanness.

I love being pampered.

I loathe most chain restaurants.

I love freshly painted nails.

I love to read.

I love that occasionally the patriarchal order actually comes in handy: when the check boxes get delivered, when I have to move for the 17,000th time into a new office and when the guy drives.

I love each and every one of my friends.

I love boutique shopping -- not for crafts but for unique clothes, jewelry and fun stuff.

I love having cut flowers in my home.

I love clean sheets.

I love 6 o'clock, 10 o'clock, Noon, 3 p.m. and 7 ish -- it is when I get to eat.

I love freshly shaved legs.

I love anything flavored with cinnamon.

I love unrestrained giggles.

I love Taco Amigo peach shakes.

I love nicknames.

I love Becky Higgins' Project Life.

I love that I've lost 12 of the 20 lbs that I gained out of nowhere.

I love surprises.

I love post-exercise endorphins.

I love my new normal.

I love that on September 19th I will not be one bit different than I am today on August 14th. It has taken me a while to realize this.

I love that there are amazingly strong women who are trying to figure out how to live in this world and how to properly raise a girl to be smart, open, kind and in love with herself.

Sunday is the Bestest Day!

This morning I sat on my sofa and pondered how happy I was that I could do

anything I wanted on this fine sunny Sabbath morning. It hasn't always been this way. For most of my life my Sundays were packed with church, meetings and more meetings and were honestly quite hellish. Sunday is definitely not a day of rest for proper Mormon's and after years and years it wears on you and is a difficult way to start the work week. The last four years my Sundays have been lovely doing as I please and resting the way I believe God intended when he made Sunday a day of rest. The turning point for me occurred during the last time I attended all three church meetings. My girlfriend Julia talked me into trying my ward and she came with me and as we were sitting in the last meeting the teacher was giving the message 'sometimes we just don't want to go to church but we know that when we DO go we are always blessed by the message and are happy that we attended'. I know she was being sincere because I'm sure I'd said the same thing in a RS message earlier in my life but I sat there and thought, "No, that's not true. I never want to go. I didn't want to come today and I definitely do not feel better, in fact I feel worse". I've been back for family obligations or occasionally when a friend has invited me to hear them speak but I never went back. I'd lived the last 35 years wrapped in a cocoon of intense guilt and as soon as I stopped going I didn't feel a hint of guilt. Not one iota. At first when I stopped attending church my Sundays were all about sleeping and willing myself to be strong enough to tackle the rest of the work week. I slept, read, watched TV and baked. Most of the time I stayed quite close to home occasionally catching an early matinee or bike ride/jog and sometimes dinner with my family. I've always done my best to be respectful of those who do attend and try to keep my Sunday shenanigans as quiet as possible but I don't lie and if people ask what I'm doing I tell them.
 
Lately, Sunday is a day of rest but it is also so much more: brunches, dating, walks with friends, movies, reading and of course napping. It isn't always rainbows and bunnies just like I know every Sunday isn't perfect for the rest of you. I've read enough FB updates, blog entries and heard enough at dinner to know Sundays are exhausting especially if you have young children and rarely do you learn anything. For me sometimes they are a super lonely day and sometimes too much time alone is not a good thing but for now and for the most part Sunday is my favorite day of the week.

Hi, my name is Angie

Hi, my name is Angie. Some of you don't know me. Some of you know the real me and some of you know the sanitized version of me. I'm going to do my best to be the most respectful but authentic version of me. If something I say offends you please talk to me but otherwise take it all with a grain of salt. I'm just me trying to be the best version of me.

Something I Would Never Say YES To...

Random E-mail going around my department:

I have a client that has four new orange tabbies, three girls and a boy, that she is looking for homes for. They will be ready in four weeks. If you are interested let me know and I’ll give you her email address. Thanks.

Ahhh, so true!

Quote of the Day!

David Cameron to Mitt Romney: "We are holding an Olympic Games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world. Of course, it's easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere,"

Amen!