Life is Grand. Really, really Grand.

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.

I know.

I'm gonna smile and not get worried.

I try but it shows.

Anyone can make what I have built.

And better now.

Anyone can find the same white pills.

It takes my pain away.

The only way I can properly get ready in the morning—is to jig around the bathroom singing and dancing while blow drying my hair. This morning during Pain by Jimmy Eat World I had the end of an epiphany that has been building for several days—I’m happy. I’m totally and completely at peace with myself, and my life and am comfortable in my own skin--I’m quite positive I’ve never actually felt like this. And unlike Jimmy it isn’t because of a little white pill. It started on Wednesday afternoon when I was texting Julia on the way to the airport and she told me, “you may be surprised to find how happy you are to be back”. I thought she was a little nuts or at the least just in a better place than me but honestly (you can ask anyone) all day on Thursday I was so happy and relieved and just felt good about the fact that I do live here. Yes, I miss my NY friends. I miss aspects of the life I had there but in the last several days I’ve realized: I HAVE A REALLY GREAT LIFE! I have the most amazing friends. I have a fantastic job that I’m really good at and that I truly enjoy. Yeah, I live in The UC and that’s hard but it’s helping me to be a better Christian—something that I’ve been striving for in the last year. I may not be currently drinking the kool-aid but I'm a good person and I do good things. Sure, I don’t fit in but I don’t want to. I like who I am. I’m weird and nerdy. I celebrate Easter and Passover. I like learning about other cultures and people. I try not to judge others and try to be understanding of the differences and similarities that we all share. I love all things pop culture. I love that I’m independent—that I can do things for myself—but also that I when I need to I can call a friend for help. I love that I can go to brunch with a friend and then go and see a movie by myself in the same day. I don’t want to do that every day but I LOVE that I can do it. I love that I can pay bills and download pictures from my camera and fix the flat on my bike. I love that I'm out living my life and not waiting for it to begin. I love that even though the human baby incubator thinks her life is more important than mine that it actually isn't more important--it is just different. Just to prove how nerdy I am I recently remembered something from one of my philosophy classes about the Greek philosopher Epictetus, “Because you consider yourself to be only one thread of those which are in the tunic. Well then it was fitting for you to take care of how you should be like the rest of men, just as the thread has no design to be anything superior to the other threads. But I wish to be purple, that small part which is bright, and makes all the rest appear graceful and beautiful. Why then do you tell me to make myself like the many? And if I do, how shall I still be purple?” Even though sometimes it is tough to be purple and rough to stick out that’s who I am and I want to be comfortable being the purple thread. In one of the Broadway shows that I saw last week we were encouraged to find the Rapture everyday--to find the little “r-rapture” in every day things. And so as I think about all the little “r’s” in my life and I add them up I’m incredibly blessed and so terrifically happy.