Playing Me

Last Saturday I drove to Salt Lake to see a film and although specifically I can't relate to the main character in general some of the lines in the film have seared my soul. Without even thinking about it I swear I go through the same process as George just to get through the day. And for me at least, as I sat in the dark theater thinking, "Geesh, maybe I'm not the only one on the planet who feels this way..." Obviously, I've changed the name to mine so that it reads better:

It takes time in the morning for me to become Angie, time to adjust to what is expected of Angie and how she is to behave. By the time I have dressed and put the final layer of polish on the now slightly stiff but quite perfect (haha--not quite) Angie I know fully what part I'm supposed to play.

And this is also quite incredible:

A few times in my life I've had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.

That is what I aspire for. To someday have "absolute clarity" about anything and to realize that "everything is exactly the way it was meant to be". No, I'm not a single man in 1960's Los Angeles strugging with sadness over the loss of my partner but sometimes this place feels like 1960 and I do feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.

Amen.