This morning I sat on my
sofa and pondered how happy I was that I could do
anything I wanted on
this fine sunny Sabbath morning. It hasn't always been this way. For most of my
life my Sundays were packed with church, meetings and more meetings and were
honestly quite hellish. Sunday is definitely not a day of rest for proper
Mormon's and after years and years it wears on you and is a difficult way to
start the work week. The last four years my Sundays have been lovely doing as I
please and resting the way I believe God intended when he made Sunday a day of rest.
The turning point for me occurred during the last time I attended all three
church meetings. My girlfriend Julia talked me into trying my ward and she came
with me and as we were sitting in the last meeting the teacher was giving the message
'sometimes we just don't want to go to church but we know that when we DO go we
are always blessed by the message and are happy that we attended'. I know she
was being sincere because I'm sure I'd said the same thing in a RS message
earlier in my life but I sat there and thought, "No, that's not true. I
never want to go. I didn't want to come today and I definitely do not feel
better, in fact I feel worse". I've been back for family obligations or
occasionally when a friend has invited me to hear them speak but I never went
back. I'd lived the last 35 years wrapped in a cocoon of intense guilt and as
soon as I stopped going I didn't feel a hint of guilt. Not one iota. At first
when I stopped attending church my Sundays were all about sleeping and willing
myself to be strong enough to tackle the rest of the work week. I slept, read,
watched TV and baked. Most of the time I stayed quite close to home
occasionally catching an early matinee or bike ride/jog and sometimes dinner
with my family. I've always done my best to be respectful of those who do attend
and try to keep my Sunday shenanigans as quiet as possible but I don't lie and
if people ask what I'm doing I tell them.Lately, Sunday is a day of rest but it is also so much more: brunches, dating, walks with friends, movies, reading and of course napping. It isn't always rainbows and bunnies just like I know every Sunday isn't perfect for the rest of you. I've read enough FB updates, blog entries and heard enough at dinner to know Sundays are exhausting especially if you have young children and rarely do you learn anything. For me sometimes they are a super lonely day and sometimes too much time alone is not a good thing but for now and for the most part Sunday is my favorite day of the week.
2 comments:
I'm glad you've found what works for you, Ang. When I was growing up, I enjoyed church most of the time. But I did feel a lot of guilt. Then I spent much of my married life struggling to go to church and the temple. But I've finally found my niche again. I've been to all three meetings of church for 70 weeks in a row and to the temple 46 weeks in a row. That is a huge accomplishment for me. Sundays are still my hardest day, but they are a whole lot better than they used to be. And I don't feel the guilt that I used to feel, which I'm very thankful for.
Same for me - not one iota of guilt. I love love my Sundays. Well, any day that isn't a work day, really. :)
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