Road to Recovery

I almost died. There I said it. Some of you know about some of this and some of you have been forced to listen to me complain about it for months and for that I'm sorry. But for the most part I've kept a lot of it to myself. I've known I was sick for a long time but kept ignoring it. I'd have really rough days and feel as if I could barely keep my head up or get random comments like "you look horrible are you okay" or my favorite, "Let's go in the bathroom and put some blush on you before your dad sees you looking like that". And I'd think about going to the doctor but then I'd change my mind. Or, a couple of times I made commitments to myself...after I get through this project at work I'll go. Or after my trip to San Francisco or New York or after the 5K. But in the end just kept doing my thing and pretending that I'd be okay if I just rested a lot. And I know deep down that rest does not contribute to red blood cell growth but I kept pretending I was okay and that things would work out. And yes, I'm a very good pretender and an excellent actress. During all of this I was exercising a lot. I was training for my work's 5K and riding my bike all over town, doing the 30 Day Shred and Kettlebells, etc. etc. No one knows how I did all of this. Not me. Not the doctors. But I did and now I can say a couple of things contributed to me finally getting a referral from Elizabeth and making the appointment. One of those things was that my heart starting beating irregularly. Especially when I was running. Rather than going to the doctor I just started running at the hospital track cause you know...if something happens there at least I'll be closer. The second thing happened while I was babysitting my niece Bella one Sunday afternoon. Bella is four and has very high energy and we had played in the house, took a really long walk, jumped on the trampoline, and then she wanted to play house so went into her bedroom and she said to me "I'm going to be the mama and you will be my sweetie". Her way of being older and being in charge which was perfectly fine with me because I was able to crash on her bed. I'm posting the picture we took of us that day and I know I look horrible. I think that's what finally did it. I laid there praying Jeff would get home soon because I was afraid I was going to pass out and not wake up.

Finally I made an appointment and only cancelled it once. I went to the doctor and made her promise that no matter what she wouldn't hospitalize me. She told me "If you can walk into my clinic and run 4-5 miles every other day then there are other ways of dealing with the anemia". Little did Dr. H know the power of pure will because she was surprised when she got the results back and saw how bad my blood was. I knew it was serious once again when the actual doctor called with my results and not the nurse and we talked and made arrangements for me to go to the hospital and have tw0-three iron infusions a week. I hate iron infusions because they make me ill but I hate them a lot less than three days in the hospital so I happily agreed. Between the time of the original blood test and the first treatment my blood got even worse and went from "4" to "less than one". But we didn't know that at the time. I think that little bit of information fell through the cracks between the hospital and my doctor and enabled me to run the Freedom 10K on the 4th of July. On the 5th I went to the clinic at the hospital for my infusion and the nurse asked me what I did for the holiday and I told him I ran a 10K and he looked at me and then looked at my chart and then looked at me again and said, "How?" I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "I wanted to". I know during all of this I scared a lot of you and I'm sorry. So much so that even my father who notices nothing begged me to not do the race. But in my defense I had worked so hard and couldn't skip it. It was one of the hardest physical things I've ever done but I was super proud of myself when it was over.

So now after 15 infusions and a lot of horrible nausea and acheyness and general ick I feel a lot better. My blood and iron are normal and after a two week hiatus from exercise I'm back to running. Not biking and everything else yet but I'm running again and training for the Mammoth 10K in September. It's a downhill race and I'm actually really nervous about it. Especially after talking to Chaddy who ran it last year and telling me that at a certain point his knees nearly snapped. Oh yay!

I'd like to thank all of my friends and family who have been incredibly supportive the last few months. To RHC for bringing me dinner and treats and for understanding that it is August 17th and we still have not biked the canyon. For everyone who forgave me when I had to cancel plans because I didn't feel good. For TJ who wanted to run the 10K with me at my pace in case I had a problem during the race. I told her that there were 250,000 people looking out for me so I'd be okay. For those of you who threatened to call my mother and tell my boss I'm grateful for your love and friendship. And for everyone who had to listen to me complain. Thank you all!

I've made some promises to take my meds three times a day, get weekly B-12 shots and continue to get my blood tested with more regularity. I promised my mother. I promised Dr. H and most importantly I promised myself. The meds make me feel horrible but a couple of hours of daily nausea is better than dying so I'm on board. I promise.