Welcome to the 9.5

JJ: How happy are you?

Me: Right this second?

JJ: Yes, on a scale of 1-10 how happy are you?

Me: 9.5

JJ: Really? What were you when we met in SF?

Me: 2 or 2.5

JJ: Yeah, you were miserable when we first met.

Me: Yup.

I'm not a member of the 1% but that's okay because I'm a card carrying member of the 9.5. My card is the smile on my face and for the most part I'm smiling all the time. Not a fake-it-til-I-make-it kind of a smile but a genuinely real smile. The above conversation with JJ happened a few weeks ago during what was truly one of the most surreal weeks of my life. It was surreal for a variety of reasons but one of them was that nearly four years ago I had a very similar week but back then it eviscerated me nearly to death and this time it was a blip on an overall fantastic month.



So, the bigger question is why am I so happy. What is different? For the first time in my life I know the answers to some pretty important questions. I am Ang and my purpose on this earth is to make others happy. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I am confident and assertive and real. I try to be kind to everyone and I know what I want. Now when I'm with a guy it is "Do I like him?" rather than "Oh, my gosh, does he like me? What if he hates me? What if he doesn't call?" I've also been working constantly on living in the present and forgetting about the past. The past used to paralyze me. I'd get lost in my head and over thought EVERYthing. Never making progress and never being full. Now I strive every single day to live in the present. I'll be honest, sometimes my present is the next fifteen minutes and sometimes it is three hours but it is never even later the same night. It is right now. When I'm living in the present I'm focused on the task at hand, the person I'm with or the issue I'm struggling with. Not an hour from now or three dates from now or someone across the room.



Another huge thing for me is that in the last year I've been introduced to some incredibly talented and amazing women (and one genius man) who have literally changed my life. Now I know I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who does this or that or thinks this or that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to be a happier person!

Brene Brown

Eleni Zoe

Andrea Scher

Jana Riess

Joanna Brooks

Jenny Lawson

Gretchen Rubin

Craig Manning

Be the Me

Live in the moment. Be real. Be vulnerable with people who matter. Be myself. Be me. Be me. Be me. Be the me that is often happy, giggling and smiling but sometimes a little sad. Be the me that laughs out loud at silly jokes and stories. Be the me that loves being hugged and held and sometimes touched. Be the me that sometimes panics and freaks out. Let her have her five minutes (or two days) and then remember that life is good and it is spring and work doesn’t suck that bad. Be the me that cries at the Google Chrome: Coffee commercial and really wishes that that guy existed. Be the me that recognizes my self-destructive behaviors and moves the hell on. Be the me that let the crush guy go because he’s not good enough and it is time to focus on the two someone’s who might be. Be the me that is less and less like that damaged girl on the nastiest show on TV. At the beginning of the season we may have been long lost identical twins but every week I recognize less of myself in her as I’ve grown and become a much healthier happier person. Be the me that every day is learning from new modern-day heroes who are helping me to make subtle changes to be the very best version of me.

March Madness

March went by in a blur but I learned a couple of key lessons:

*Don't invite boys over to your house - it is easier to leave a situation than to kick someone out.

*Happiness can even be found at work under not awesome circumstances.

*Even if you are nearly the big scary age that I will not say out loud, you STILL need your ID to get into concerts.

That pretty much sums up my month.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Lent

This year for Lent I have given up shopping. This may in fact be the hardest year yet.

Wish me luck!

When You Are A Grown-up

When you are a grown-up you can eat the ice cream cone while you wait in line for your salad.

Yup. Perfection.

Formula For Happiness

Last week was crap but I got through it and I feel like I need to write out the things that helped so that I know them for the future.

*Hugs from Kenzie -- hands down this kid can make me feel better in just a few seconds. On Thursday I called my sister and asked if I could come over and borrow hugs from Kenzie for a few minutes. I don't know what Becky said to her and/or what you can say to a 2 year old but that kid knew EXACTLY what I needed and hugged and kissed me for the whole time I was there.

*Donuts from Hill's Bakery -- in particular the bacon maple bar. Oh, my gosh, pure nasty heaven!

*Talking it out with friends -- I'm super lucky and have amazing people in my life who would do anything for me. I didn't actually realize what *anything* meant until Saturday night when they tried to kick his ass. But generally I have wonderful friends who are incredible listeners and have helped me be the best version of myself.

*A Peaceful Home -- last week when things were pretty rough I remember walking into my living room and looking around and realizing how completely happy I was with where I live. I love my house. I love the way it is put together and it has such a peaceful feeling. I love being at home and never get antsy to get out of there. Note: I didn't even get dressed until the last possible second on Saturday and Sunday. That's how happy I was to be in my home.

*A Perfect Life -- a few weeks ago one of my colleagues who I call Elder asked me what I was doing over the weekend and I told him and he said, "Wow, you have a perfect life."

Yes, I have a perfect life and even though sometimes things are hard my life is pure wonderfulness with ice cream sprinkles and a cherry on top. Or rainbows and bunnies. Which ever works for you.

I Trust You

I Love You.
I Hate You.

Those are very powerful words but not nearly as critical to me as these simple words:

I Trust You

Simple, eh? Yeah, not for me. Trust is a very big deal for me and to be truthful I don't trust that many people. I've been burned. A lot. In the last few years I've learned that if I don't let down the walls a little bit and if I don't let people in I can't grow. I can't live. I can't be happy. I want to grow. I want to live and I definitely want to be happy. One of the biggest ways to do this is to learn to trust people. Unfortunately, sometimes even the people you love and trust the most can betray you the most and hurt you the worst. Recently, someone that falls into that category hurt me really badly. And I was sad. Really sad. And hurt. Really hurt. It's been 6 days and although I'm still sad and hurt I'm only a little sad and a little hurt. I have been honest with this person and told them how much they hurt me and now I can move on. Control the controllable. It is the only thing I can control. I can't control others but I can *mostly* control the way in which I react and I choose to move past this and move on with my life. I choose to be happy. Not stupid and not naive but happy and at peace.