so so so Offensive!

I could go on and on and on about how offensive this is. It's worse than any political E-mail that my uncle sends me every bloody day in an effort to "help you see the light". It is more offensive than anything Judgy McGee has said to me in the last 6 months. However, I think it really does speak for itself. Eff you.

That's all.

Most Recent Hot Date

A: Do you think you would be able to do girls Night Friday, January 20th?
Z: My first instinct is to say "yes!" but then I'm nervous about what it might entail.
A: What if I promise it would be something you'd love.

Two + years ago Z introduced me to The Moth story telling pod cast and the very first pod cast I listened to was Mike Bribiglia doing Sleepwalk With Me so when I heard he was going to be in town I knew I would do anything for the two of us to see his show. Thankfully she was up for it and okay with the fact that she had ZERO idea what I had planned. I told one of our mutual friends about it and he was fully on board and excited that we were going to be able to spend some alone time together -- me, Z and a few thousand of our closest friends. I also mentioned my plans for my hot date with Marcel at work and then came up with the idea for us to meet him at Sweet Tooth Fairy for an after show treat.

The night of the date we met at the 7200 S Park and Ride and then I took over driving for the rest of the evening. First stop Taco Pariente for street tacos. They were just as good as I remembered and even better this time because of the company. We sat in my car and ate which with anyone else would be awkward but it was just fine with Z.

A: Do you have any idea what we are doing tonight?
Z: None. I didn't google anything or do any research.
A: Yay!

We got to Kingsbury, picked up tickets at Will Call and the whole time I was worried that the surprise would be spoiled but there were ZERO posters anywhere. Then we went to our seats on the back row and still nothing--she had no idea what we were doing. Right before the show started her brother-in-law came and sat right in front of us. Really, how much more random could that be? As soon as the lights dimmed a bit Z bent down and started caressing his neck. He pulled back, saw who it was and shoulder shrugged, "Hey". All casual and too-cool-to-talk to us. After Mike came out on the stage I whispered, "Do you know who this is?" and she shook her head no and I said, "Abby, there's a jackal in the room!" and she said, "OH, MIKE!" It was so completely awesome. I never get to keep surprises like that and it was so fun. The show was incredible. He's so funny and weird and awkward - I loved every single second.

After the show we met Marcel and his siblings at STF for an yummy treat! All in all the best date I've been on in a very long time. Pure perfection!

Some Long Lost Memories Should Stay Lost

A few weeks ago I was with my friends and we were talking about journals and how we should have a journal reading party where we can read excepts from our old journals. I sat quietly all the while thinking how freaking happy I was that I had burned all of mine. Yeah, I burned my journals and I don't even feel badly about it. There's a teeny tiny part of me that wished I had stuff from when I was really young so that I could re-create my blocked out childhood but I don't so I don't think about it. Anyway, yesterday when I was reorganizing the guest room and emptying the last of the book boxes I came across a long lost journal from 2003 that I didn't even know existed. Winter 2003 was a mere nine years ago but immediately I discovered how vastly different 2012 Ang is from 2003 Ang. Need to have another bon fire because that book needs to be burned!

Girl Meets Boy

Girl meets boy.
Girl falls in love with boy.
Boy falls in love with girl.
Girl and boy are ridiculously happy and perfect for one another.
Boy breaks up with girl.

This isn't new. It happens all the time. It has happened to every single person in the world even those 19 year old freaks that went to my college who got married Freshman year have been dumped at some point in their life. Actually, for a lot of those it has happened recently. Anyway, a few weeks ago I heard about a girl I know that I will call Jennifer. Jennifer and I aren't friends but Jennifer is best best friends with all of my friends. Jennifer and her former love whom I will call Stan live in Gotham City and recently broke up. I literally (hate when people use that word incorrectly) think about Jennifer's situation all the time because it is so tragic. In November when our friends visited Gotham City for a mini vacation they met Stan and hung out with him and as my friend Shmelanie told me Stan and Jennifer were perfect for each other. Shmelanie was worried about the very real probability that Jennifer would be moving to Stan's country as soon as he finished school but that they were so great together and Jennifer was so very happy. Stan is from another country. One that I won't name, but it isn't one of those countries on the State Department Danger List, that we used to talk about in my classes "Girls, if you know anyone who is dating a guy from one of these countries you must break them up". The whole time Stan and Jennifer were together they had the black "parent cloud" hanging over their heads but they were both very optimistic that in the end Stan's parents would be okay with him marrying an American. Turns out they were not okay with Jennifer and neither was the brother that Stan thought would be on his side. Not only were they not okay with it but they forbade him from being with her and made him pick between them and Jennifer. And so they broke up. And she is crushed. Devastated. And so am I. Life is so hard enough and finding someone to love who loves you back is hard enough but family support is a very big deal even in 2012. And you really do marry the family. Just ask any married person.

Dear Prospective Suitor

Dear Prospective Suitor:

I'm a fairly open minded person but I don't want either of us to waste our time and there are certain things that are what our insurance underwriter would classify as DO NOT TAKES:


*If your truck has a vinyl cutout of Calvin peeing on anything, a silhouette of a naked woman or any kind of redneck political statement we are not meant for each other. I'd love to say all trucks, bumper stickers and/or vinyl lettering but I'm trying to be more open.

*If you have a child that you have "nothing to do with" we are not meant for each other. That could be me one day and I'm not into that. That was an actual "selling point" one time or at least the person thought it was.

*If you are so young that you do not know why it is funny when someone screams PIVOT when moving a large object then we cannot be together.

*If you can't understand that it is perfectly okay to have Florence, Nirvana, Rhianna, Madonna, P!nk, random B'way tunes, and the Beastie Boys on my iPod running mix then we cannot be together. You don't have to listen to it just don't make too much fun of me.

*We don't have to have the same political beliefs but if you think Jon Stewart is evil incarnate then we cannot be together.

*If you don't understand that my friends are very important to me and that they've made me the person that I am then we cannot be together. You too will be extremely important to me and will be a top priority but they are as well.

I think that covers all the important points. We can deal with your list for me and any other things that pop up on a case by case basis!

My babies

I love love love these tiny humans! Love.

Bye bye Dear Friend

Three years ago I met my dear friend Mr. Whirly Pop and we had a good relationship. He helped me be healthy by providing delicious popcorn treats and I helped him fulfill his purpose of greatness of using him nearly nightly. A few weeks ago there was an incident where I started a batch of popcorn and then started some laundry, made a phone call, etc. You know...I forgot and then it was WAY TOO LATE and my dear friend was dead and my house was full of nasty burned popcorn smell. Thankfully regular burned popcorn smell is not nearly as bad as burned microwave popcorn but it was still wretched and took me leaving the door open for hours and and entire spray bottle of Fabreeze to get the smell to go away.

Good-bye dear friend may you rest in peace.