Zack, Zack, Zack!

True Story. Monday afternoon I received an E-mail from one of my bestest but snobbiest friends (she's a theater professor for crying out loud) who wanted to know if I wanted to go see The Lucky One at 5:20.

I had to admit that even though I hated myself for wanting to that I desperately wanted to see it so I agreed. I believe with all my soul that NS is the worst writer of all time and I knew that the movie would suck but I'd also heard earlier in the day that it had the hottest sex scene of any PG-13 movie so what the hell...if Ju hadn't asked me to go I would have gone by myself on Sunday morning.

Turns out our other 'particular (snobby) about movies' friends were watching it together in NYC at the same time as us so we knew we weren't the only ones lowering our normally high movie standards just to get some time in the dark with Zack.

Zack, Zack, ZACK! You've always been cute and charming but boy-oh-boy have you grown up and boy-oh-boy you are the hotness monster!

Welcome to the 9.5

JJ: How happy are you?

Me: Right this second?

JJ: Yes, on a scale of 1-10 how happy are you?

Me: 9.5

JJ: Really? What were you when we met in SF?

Me: 2 or 2.5

JJ: Yeah, you were miserable when we first met.

Me: Yup.

I'm not a member of the 1% but that's okay because I'm a card carrying member of the 9.5. My card is the smile on my face and for the most part I'm smiling all the time. Not a fake-it-til-I-make-it kind of a smile but a genuinely real smile. The above conversation with JJ happened a few weeks ago during what was truly one of the most surreal weeks of my life. It was surreal for a variety of reasons but one of them was that nearly four years ago I had a very similar week but back then it eviscerated me nearly to death and this time it was a blip on an overall fantastic month.



So, the bigger question is why am I so happy. What is different? For the first time in my life I know the answers to some pretty important questions. I am Ang and my purpose on this earth is to make others happy. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I am confident and assertive and real. I try to be kind to everyone and I know what I want. Now when I'm with a guy it is "Do I like him?" rather than "Oh, my gosh, does he like me? What if he hates me? What if he doesn't call?" I've also been working constantly on living in the present and forgetting about the past. The past used to paralyze me. I'd get lost in my head and over thought EVERYthing. Never making progress and never being full. Now I strive every single day to live in the present. I'll be honest, sometimes my present is the next fifteen minutes and sometimes it is three hours but it is never even later the same night. It is right now. When I'm living in the present I'm focused on the task at hand, the person I'm with or the issue I'm struggling with. Not an hour from now or three dates from now or someone across the room.



Another huge thing for me is that in the last year I've been introduced to some incredibly talented and amazing women (and one genius man) who have literally changed my life. Now I know I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who does this or that or thinks this or that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to be a happier person!

Brene Brown

Eleni Zoe

Andrea Scher

Jana Riess

Joanna Brooks

Jenny Lawson

Gretchen Rubin

Craig Manning

Be the Me

Live in the moment. Be real. Be vulnerable with people who matter. Be myself. Be me. Be me. Be me. Be the me that is often happy, giggling and smiling but sometimes a little sad. Be the me that laughs out loud at silly jokes and stories. Be the me that loves being hugged and held and sometimes touched. Be the me that sometimes panics and freaks out. Let her have her five minutes (or two days) and then remember that life is good and it is spring and work doesn’t suck that bad. Be the me that cries at the Google Chrome: Coffee commercial and really wishes that that guy existed. Be the me that recognizes my self-destructive behaviors and moves the hell on. Be the me that let the crush guy go because he’s not good enough and it is time to focus on the two someone’s who might be. Be the me that is less and less like that damaged girl on the nastiest show on TV. At the beginning of the season we may have been long lost identical twins but every week I recognize less of myself in her as I’ve grown and become a much healthier happier person. Be the me that every day is learning from new modern-day heroes who are helping me to make subtle changes to be the very best version of me.

March Madness

March went by in a blur but I learned a couple of key lessons:

*Don't invite boys over to your house - it is easier to leave a situation than to kick someone out.

*Happiness can even be found at work under not awesome circumstances.

*Even if you are nearly the big scary age that I will not say out loud, you STILL need your ID to get into concerts.

That pretty much sums up my month.


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